Meh-rino!

Finally: The Dolphins are at least mediocre. In this, the season of giving thanks, fans owe much to Chad Pennington. He's the reason that in one year, a very bad team has become, well... a team that beats very bad teams. And in a conference where Peyton Manning wears a knee brace and Tom Brady is in a doctor's office, the Pennington-led Dolphins are actually a playoff contender. 

Behold his middling arm strength! Gape at his so-so mobility! Pennington is better than, oh, half the quarterbacks in the NFL at reading opposing defense! Combine all that with his ordinary leadership skills and you have the "Meh"rino. Meh as in mediocre, meh as in blah blah, meh like Paulie Walnuts says so-so. But whatever; the way the Fins have been playing the past couple years, that counts as a veritable "Meh"siah! 

Think about it. Over the past several seasons, a Dolphins defense led by stalwarts like Jason Taylor and Zack Thomas has played at least well enough to make this team competitive. But it never had a quarterback. Think of the list of previous "Meh"siahs: has-been Trent Green, gimp Daunte Culpepper, and never-will-be Joey Harrington, along with a bunch of noodle-arms who should spend their careers attached to clipboards. 

Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

Finally, with Pennington in the huddle, the Dolphins have a QB who can look his sweaty teammates in the eyes and say, "Yeah, we sorta can win this. Probably." 

Years ago, a younger Pennington, with his Southern accent and frat-boy grin, seemed to be the mediocre return of Joe "Broadway" Namath. But alas, his averageness wasn't good enough for New Yorkers, not when Green Bay offered the services of future Hall of Famer Brett Favre, and like that, the Jets no longer needed Broadway Chad.

One man's mediocre trash is another's mediocre treasure. New Vice President Bill Parcells, who coached Pennington two jobs ago in New York, picked him up off waivers, and operation Shame-Be-Gone was up and rolling.

Even his harshest critics can't deny that "Meh"rino excels in one statistical category: He has the highest career completion percentage in the history of the NFL. (Clue: lots of three-yard gains.) So take heart, Dolphins nation. With an average quarterback, we can finally expect average results! Let us give thanks, for there is no doubt Pennington has the talent to lead this team all the way to the first round of the playoffs. Maybe.

 
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