Slip Slidin' Away

Our nightlife columnist tips her ten-gallon hat to the line-dancing, good-time gay crowd at Scandals.

It was Friday night, and Big & Rich's "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" echoed deep in my ears as I sipped a raspberry daiquiri and relaxed at Scandals Saloon with some of Wilton Manors' finest gentlemen. As the Friday-night liquor-drenched festivity unfolded around me, I found myself mesmerized by Bob. Gray-haired and spindly-legged, Bob wore a carelessly unbuttoned striped shirt that fluttered and curled as he moved. In black ankle boots and a ball cap, he swept across the light-soaked dance floor while disco balls twirled overhead and country music pulsed through the air. The crowd that gathered on the outskirts of the dance floor sipped booze and clapped as Bob and a handful of other dancers dipped, stepped, turned, and spun in perfect synchronicity. Bob may have been sharing the floor with dozens of toe-tapping Texan wannabes, but this unassuming dude definitely stood out as Lord of the Line Dance. And somehow, I'd managed to wrangle a front-row bar stool to watch some killer line dancing at the best — only — damned country-western bar within the city limits.

 Ambiance: Scandals is a cowboy-themed gay bar cozily situated in Wilton Manors. Friday night, the venue buzzed with a combo of Garth Brooks tunes, witty banter, slaps on the back, stiff drinks, and weekend anticipation. The place is set up like this: There's a bar at the center, a pool room with a popcorn machine and crane game to the right, a shiny polished dance floor to the left, and, out back, a breezy patio area and outdoor bar. Steer skulls, cowboy hats, and photos of well-muscled, clothing-deficient cowboys grace the green walls. Just beyond one wall that's plastered with bumper stickers of varying naughtiness (from "Party With the Best — Party With a Bear" to "First Tell Me How Big It Is") hangs a shelf with various country trinkets, including an adorable miniature horse and covered wagon.

 Drinks: When I arrived, Howard, the general manager, emerged from his office to give me a quick peek around the place and jump-start my eventual drunkenness with a $5 megasized raspberry daiquiri.

"People thought it was crazy to open a country-themed bar in the middle of South Florida, but people love it," said Howard — white-haired, mustached, and clad in a blue plaid shirt. He was sugar-sweet to me, but I'd bet money he could sure wrangle some cattle (or rowdy patrons) if necessary.

"There's just something about cowboy boots," I said.

"Yeah, my partner is a redneck," he said, laughing. "He drives a big ol' truck and wears cowboy boots."

"Marks of a good man," I said. "So, who comes to this bar? Age range?"

"We get about age 35 to death," Howard joked. "Well, mid-50s or so, I guess. But everyone's welcome, and we're friendly to all." He introduced me to his staff, including Pooch, the "oldest bartender in the world."

"The whole world," emphasized Pooch, who sported a goatee and a rock-solid upper body. "I've been bartending for over 30 years."

"Since he was 4," Howard said.

"How old are you?" I asked. Pooch blatantly averted the question.

"I couldn't even get him to put his birth date on a job application," Howard teased. "He just left it blank."

Howard then propelled me toward the dance floor, which was empty. He motioned for the DJ to turn the lights on, and when the switch was flipped, the reflected light glimmered off the disco balls, reflected in the mirrors, and snaked across the floor. I took a sip of my daiquiri.

"What's that?" I asked suddenly, pointing up at the most specialized disco ball ever. It was shaped like four back-to-back cowboy boots, all covered in tiny pieces of shiny glass.

"A bartender made that," Howard said. "It's made out of real cowboy boots; he glued all the bottle pieces onto them."

"Now, you just wait until 9:30 or so," Howard said promisingly. "Things will really get busy then." I responded with an enthusiastic slurp of my daiquiri.

Patrons: Howard left me with Jim, a loyal customer who wore a low-necked shirt and gold necklace, at the small bar parallel to the dance floor. Jim had shaggy hair and a steady, earnest face. He told me that the bar owners give back to the community and that they really care about their customers. I believed him, of course, but at this point, I was a slave to the daiquiri, and the daiquiri did not care about its community. I also found out that Jim had just broken it off with his boyfriend, so I tried to offer my (slightly slurred) condolences.

"If there's no love connection, you have to let it go," Jim said. "Sometime after my wife died, I dated a guy for 17 years. Eventually we just drifted apart. That love connection is most important."

I nodded (or, my head wobbled drunkenly) in what I thought was an appropriately understanding manner. Being a soulless robot, my circuits start frying at the first mention of gooey emotions like "love." 

"I wanted him to be my husband," Jim comically gestured at Michael, a slight, goateed fellow on the bar stool beside us. "But he was already married to someone." Michael offered a sheepish grin and pleasant laugh.

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