Tequila Ranch in Hollywood Will Make Anybody Feel Like a Tourist

Sometimes you want to go where everyone knows your name, and sometimes you'd rather disappear into a crowd of new and unfamiliar people. Tequila Ranch is the latter. Maybe it's because the enormous restaurant and bar is located in the heart of the sprawling Hard Rock Hotel and Casino property. Or it might be the hundreds of vacationing tourists and aspiring new-money millionaires who pack the place starting around 8 at night. I decided to find out how many drinks it would take to feel like a tourist at the Ranch on a Friday night. After drinking a very sweet prickly pear margarita and an interesting and easily drinkable mojito that had a sweet tea kick, I switched to vodka tonics and sank into my stool. Around 10:30, I paid my tab and decided to take a walk through the casino to sober up via a mish-moshed slot machine soundtrack. Just before I got out the front door, everything changed inside Tequila Ranch. The large mechanical bull roared to life as scantily clad gals and Balco-endorsed guys took turns getting launched onto the padded floor. Before I knew it, I stood in a crowd of laughing vacationers delighting in the embarrassment of others. Suddenly, leaving this place seemed like a bad idea.