Death to the Sun

Before monotheism ruined the fun, humans worshiped a female god (hell yeah!) and held huge, outdoor fuck parties to honor the beginnings and endings of seasons. Instead, we now scrunch into hard-backed pews to be lectured, spend our entire Friday nights in the dark because we're not allowed to flip the lights on, or carry carpets around and set our watches to beep five times day. Thanks a lot, Abraham.

The organizers of Death to the Sun — a farewell-to-summer festival — say "Fuck that noise," and they're on a mission to reclaim South Florida for the pagans. The first step was securing the American Legion backyard as the venue, then signing an orgy-load of local bands such as Electric Bunnies, Surfer Blood, Dino Felipe, and BFGF. And of course, since capitalism is the evil extension of Judeo-Christian ideology, admission and parking are free, and draft beers cost just $2.

Add a Slip 'n Slide and a kiddie pool (no joke); six DJs; and art, fashion, video, and tattoo performances and you've got a goddamned religious experience this Saturday. Show up at 1 p.m. and never go home again.