Be the Vampire, Do the Vampire

When did vampires become undisputedly the most screwable monster? Granted, the alternatives are paltry: Zombie sex is probably a feisty affair but untenable without copious restraints; werewolf sex is only once a month (or twice, in a blue moon); boogeymen would rather be coming to get you than getting you to come. But ignore their overbites and wan pallor, and vampires at least keep the right hours (dusk until dawn), live on fluids (a bonus), and enjoy the same sorts of prissy accoutrements (velvety capes and coffin-liners, grandiose candelabras, medieval chateaux) that stir the loins of romance-novel readers. Also, Hollywood keeps endowing vampires with the likes of Tom Cruise’s face, Wesley Snipes’ biceps, and Megan Fox’s rack. Though, thankfully, not simultaneously.

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More About

• Wesley Snipes
• Tom Cruise
• Megan Fox
• Vampires Fetish Party

That paragon of pervy play, the Fetish Factory, is once again harnessing the do-me power of the vampire in its Den of Vampires Fetish Party, an excuse for the would-be undead to go all bloodsucker on one another. Two DJs – Danny Bled and Godfather – will work the pre-Halloween crowd as people do God-knows-what underneath those capes. But if someone gets too close? Stake ’em through the heart and move on.

Nibble a neck at Purgatory (1000 W. State Rd. 84, Fort Lauderdale) on Saturday, October 10, starting at 10 p.m. The dress code is “strict fetish,” which isn’t per se vampiric, but does mean the door will turn you away for wearing jeans, sneakers, black street clothes or club wear. Tickets are $15 at the Fetish Factory (855 E. Oakland Park Blvd., Fort Lauderdale) or $20 at the door. Gotta be between 18 years old and, presumably, eternal. Visit fetishfactory.com, or call 954-563-5777.
Sat., Oct. 10, 10 p.m., 2009