The Houston Texans have been a major pain in the Miami Dolphins ass the past three seasons. In 2006, Houston got a two-point victory thanks to a pair of David Carr (David F*%$ing Carr!) touchdowns. In 2007, Texans DT Travis Johnson nearly decapitated Fins QB Trent Green when Green tried to make a block. Green was unable to see Johnson taunting him, being that he was knocked unconscious and all. Houston then proceeded to hand Miami its fifth straight loss of the year. Last season, the Texans again brought the pain when QB Matt Schaub ran into the end zone untouched, giving Houston a last-second 29-28 win.
And this Sunday, the Texans will again come to Land Shark Stadium (2269 Dan Marino Blvd., Miami Gardens) looking to continue their perennial tradition of pissing in our coffee and thereby ruining the Dolphins playoff chances. A Texas-sized ass-whoopin, Miami-style, is long overdue, boys. Kickoff is 1 p.m. Tickets cost $41 to $700. Visit miamidolphins.com.
Sun., Dec. 27, 1 p.m., 2009