Welcome to South Florida, you delirious pigskin fans, you! If youre here to root for the New Orleans Saints, congrats it sure as hell took you long enough. If youre an Indianapolis Colts fan, likewise, congrats you lucked out by dodging the Patriots in the playoffs. Now that youre here, remember not to fixate on Miami for pregaming: The party has been moving steadily northward for years, and anyway, youll need to run things on the cheap if youre going to get scalped Sunday. Your suggested Broward County itinerary:
Saturday a.m.: Arrive at the comfortable and convenient Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. Head straight to Fort Lauderdale Beach and get beers at the Elbo Room, overlooking the water. Its at Las Olas Boulevard and A1A Beachfront Avenue! Word to your mother!
Afternoon: Check out Dania Jai-Alai (301 E. Dania Beach Blvd., Dania Beach) to bet on Spaniards who sling the fastest ball in the world. Enter a drawing to win a big-screen TV.
Night: Getcher bad self down to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (1 Seminole Way, Hollywood) to find poker, tchotchkes, and the bloated ghost of Anna Nicole Smith.
Sunday a.m.: Slink over to the Floridian (1410 E. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale) for brunch. Its nothing terribly special, but eating solid food will give you time to figure out where your tooth went and why your friend is in suddenly in possession of a baby. Noon: Head inland to the Swap Shop (3291 W. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale), a sprawling orgy of primordial capitalism that claims to be Floridas second-most-popular tourist attraction.
On the way to the game: Make time for the International Game Fish Association Hall of Fame & Museum (300 Gulf Stream Way, Dania Beach), where you can see huge fake fish. Photo op!
By 6 p.m.: Get to Sun Life Stadium (2269 NW 199th St., Miami Gardens) and prepare to get gouged by scalpers. Or head to Cinema Paradiso (503 SE Sixth St., Fort Lauderdale), where you can watch the game for free on the movie screen and indulge in food and drink specials, because you better not go back home sober.
Sat., Feb. 6, 10 a.m.; Sun., Feb. 7, 10 a.m., 2010