"The A-Team" Review: Two Hours of Shit Blowing Up -- Boringly

Joe Carnahan's big-screen adaptation of NBC's 1983 midseason-replacement-turned-three-seasons-running-hit is convoluted, overstuffed, turned up to 11, and yet, somehow, deadly dull—in other words, white noise.

Rather than a reinterpretation, it's a soulless, sloppy, smirky rerun that makes those Charlie’s Angels movies seem positively nouvelle vague; at least Drew Barrymore and crew weren't just shouting bad impressions over the blasts.

Liam Neeson is George Peppard as Hannibal Smith, cigar-chomping frontman of the band of wrongly accused Army Rangers; Bradley Cooper is Dirk Benedict as Templeton "Faceman" Peck, bullets bouncing off his perpetual smug grin; Quinton Jackson is Mr. T as B.A. Baracus, whose mohawk still pities the fool; and District 9's Sharlto Copley is Dwight Schultz as Murdock, the howlin' mad pilot who crashes most everything he touches.

To the mix, add in Jessica Biel as the Army captain charged with bringing down the boys (complicated by the fact that Face is her ex); Patrick Wilson as the CIA agent who may or may not be setting up the team (but totally is, duh); frequent video-game voice-over actor Brian Bloom as the icky leader of a Blackwater-style operation that's gone rogue, I tellya, rogue; and Gerald McRaney as the worst best friend in the world.

The plot has something to do with counterfeiting plates, but it's just an excuse to blow shit up for two hours. How can something this loud be this boring?

 
  • Munch 08/19/2010 8:24:00 AM

    Well, after just having watched this absolutely rubbish movie, I can fully empathise with the sentiments of person who wrote this review. The movie doesn't deserve to have even this many words written about it, it truly is a pile of shite. Next!

  • Buster Buck 07/11/2010 7:14:00 PM

    This movie was worse the the original crap they called an action series. These are M4Ms - Movies for Morons. This remake does accomplish one thing: the re-affirmation that the "A" still stands for what they are ' The A-Hole Team".

  • dave 07/09/2010 10:39:00 AM

    Dear Katie R, wow what a reaction! Look at the words you just put into this forum. Sure Us adults have to transpose letters to see the words, but a kid can do the same thing pretty early in their reading career. So well done on making your point. Next time to want to come back after two weeks you should just run off and die somewhere else, you stupid t-nucker. Oh, and he's right, the A-Team movie is sh*te all the way. :)

  • James 06/30/2010 6:43:00 PM

    I don't understand how this is considered a movie review. All it is a list of the cast and that shit gets blown up. I'm guessing Robert didn't even see the movie and wrote a bullshit review.

  • Katie R. 06/28/2010 7:49:00 PM

    Why is this newspaper allowed to break the law and use sh*t in the headline? Isn't this why we have public decency laws to begin with? What if someone allowed a child to use the internet unsupervised and he or she saw this headline??!!! Why haven't the police at least questioned Mr. Barton to see who in fact put that word in the public headline, if not brought charges already? It's been more than 2 weeks and I keep coming back to the site and nothing has changed. Is this not even being investigated? What an outrage!! If this goes unpunished next we will be seeing words such as f*ck, c*ck, p*ssy, h*ll, c*cks*cker, motherf*cker, c*nt, tw*t, t*ts, d**pthroat, sh*t, G*d d*mn, and any other words anyone wants right there in the headlines for children to read! Shame on the people responsible and the law enforcement officials and the politicians who allow this to go on!!!!

  • Allan 06/23/2010 9:02:00 AM

    I tell you, we've run out of imagination as a society. We can't come up with truly inspiring new car designs, so we resort to bringing back designs from the 60s. We can't come up with new engaging story lines, so we resuscitate, or regurgitate, shows from the 70s and turn them into movies. I'm becoming very suspicious of movies (except war movies) with more than one explosion per 15 minutes, or movies with lots of star actors. This shows that the producers were covering up the movie's shallowness and mediocrity, trying to draw crowds to the explosions or the movie stars, rather than to the movie itself. Also, "special effects" are only special when they are, well, special. But if the entire movie is non-stop special effects, then what is so special about the effects? They become boring.

  • izzy 06/16/2010 8:47:00 AM

    Why use four-letter words? It only destroys respect and indicates a lack of ability in getting forceful thoughts across. To say nothing of being an indicator of immaturity.

  • Jason 06/16/2010 4:10:00 AM

    Why is this crap still on my Yahoo news?

  • Reardon 06/13/2010 10:59:00 PM

    Any reviewer who has to resort to such language obviously lacks enough intelligence to use words that would better reflect his opionions.

  • unimpressedinweston 06/13/2010 9:23:00 PM

    Okay, let's try this again. Especially for John and whyarewealltalkingaboutthetitle. The point is that it is not the forum for the use of expletives. As Ken said, it is completely lacking of respect to the viewer (or reader), and is actually quite lazy. It is much more difficult to think of something to say in a proper manner than to fall back on meaningless cursing. Gee, what next, do we use the "F-word" for shock value? Really now, haven't all of these types of curses lost most of their impact anyway? That is what makes me think it is just an attempt at shock value on the part of the "movie reviewer." Seems pretty lame to defend the lazy use of foul language. I am not surprised by the use of the language or the lack of originality -- it is rampant in our entitlement-society today. What is more surprising to me is the apparent justification of the use of it, but I guess my bygone era is showing.

  • john 06/13/2010 8:02:00 PM

    I can't believe people are offended by any four letter words anymore.

  • Fred 06/13/2010 2:24:00 PM

    since when are you allowed to curse on a headline review WOW glad my kids didn't see this off to church

  • whyarewealltalkingaboutthetitl 06/13/2010 4:40:00 AM

    this is a movie review,why are you all talking about a curse word in the title?i agree that it was slightly indecent to have out there for anyone to see, but it shouldn't be the main topic of discussion.talk about the fricken movie.i expect that this movie will be good regardless of this bad review because a bunch of explosions was all transformers 2 was, and that movie was terrific.

  • Don McLaughlin 06/12/2010 7:13:00 PM

    Your choice of a descriptive words (s***) is not in good taste.....this is an example of dumbing down America, lowering our journalistic standards.....disrespectful to your readers.....it brings no creditability to you or the organization that you work for.

  • unimpressedinweston 06/12/2010 4:19:00 PM

    Sorry, Mr. Barton, I disagree with you and Tom and totally agree with Jason, Gerry, Ken and Bill. A clever reviewer would have thought of another way to express an opinion. Good grief, this is a movie review. Give me a clever New York Post reviewer and I would bet there would be something clever and pithy flowing from the computer to express the same sentiment about this movie. I do not even care about the movie at all, but I do not want my children reading this tripe from a quasi-hip movie reviewer. Obviously, I am not going to picking up the New Times soon.

  • Mark 06/11/2010 6:50:00 PM

    The A-Team ran for five seasons, not three.

  • Jason 06/11/2010 2:19:00 PM

    Sorry Eric and the gang but that was very low class to say sh*t like that. Just what I need is my kid to be reading Yahoo's homepage and see that. That's exactly where I saw it too. But hey, America is becoming low class anyways. It shows by the comments defending this piece. Tom it's no big deal in everyday talk amongst buddies but not in a newspaper headline. Next the F word will be okay? Have a little class.

  • Eric Barton 06/11/2010 1:08:00 PM

    The thing about being a movie reviewer is that sometimes you have to call shit what it is. Shit. And if that word offends you, skip this movie. Also, stop watching basic cable, reading magazines, and just about any other pop culture product above Disney movies. Eric Barton, editor, New Times

  • Gerry 06/11/2010 2:54:00 AM

    Wow... when I took journalism classes we had some sense of decency and class.... talk about a new low in the newspaper trade with that headline.

  • tom 06/11/2010 2:12:00 AM

    Are people really offended by profanity in news article or do they just like to complain about things? Whats the big deal?

  • Ken 06/10/2010 10:34:00 PM

    Careless editing! Who's head should role for such stupidity? Lack of respect to the viewer. And you wonder why Newspapers stop selling!

  • Bill 06/10/2010 9:16:00 PM

    I always thought the word S__T was a dirty word and never expected to see it in a headline. I guess I just will not look at this site anymore. LOL

 

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