Heels on Wheels

Until now, there was never a need for roller-derby girls to justify their existence. They apparently got off on giving themselves bad-bitch names, slithering into tight-fitting shorts and kneepads, and knocking the bloody snot out of other skating dames. (The key here, of course, is the addition of women plus wheels, a winning combination in roller skates, bikes, muscle cars, or steamrollers.) Somehow, though, Broward’s own Gold Coast Derby Grrls have determined that their wanton spectacle of exposed thighs, physical violence, and graceful eight-wheeled mayhem needed some sort of socially redeeming mission: They have elected to use their powers for the forces of good, not just good goddamn! So they’re holding a benefit derby (read: benefit ass-kicking) for the Sawgrass Nature Center and Wildlife Rescue.

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• Sawgrass Nature Center

Chocolate-colored pelicans off the Louisiana coast may be garnering all the press these days, but there’s sick and orphaned critters in your own backyard who need love and care and incredibly cute tiny bottles filled with raccoon formula or whatnot. Watch some foxy birds hip-check one another and take solace in knowing you’re helping injured foxes and birds from 6 to 8 p.m. Saturday at the Gold Coast Skating Rink (2604 S. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost $10 in advance, $12 at the door, with discounts given for donating items such as rubber gloves, strained baby food, cotton swabs, and other goods for the animal hospital. Get more information at goldcoastderbygrrls.com, or head to brownpapertickets.com for ticket information.
Sat., July 31, 8 p.m., 2010