On the one hand, we get why you sit at the sidelines for football, soccer, and basketball — tickets for those seats are expensive but promise relative safety for you. Yes, indeed, you’re very safe while you watch hulks toss around their balls with practiced hands. Now, throw that all out the window if you’re aged 18 and up, because we’re offering you the antithesis of that. It’s time to sit in a “suicide seat” — and just for an additional $5 at the door. Ensure that those seats are as close to the crash zone as humanly possible. Crash pads, or cushions for your bum, can be rented for $5 or purchased at the merchandise booth for $10. “Why would I want sweaty man meat stampeding into my ass?” you may ask. You don’t. That’s why we’re sending you to a roller derby bout: beefed-up and muscular ladies who have wheels strapped to their feet. And yes, those ladies fully intend to punch, deck, or otherwise harm opponents intending to block them as they make their way around the 385-foot track. DJ George Van Orsdel will pump tunes throughout the night as the local Gold Coast Derby Grrls battle the Tucson Roller Derby team. Food and booze can be purchased at the rink’s stocked bar. The match is from 6 to 9 p.m. Saturday at Palm Beach SkateZone Ice and Inline Center (8125 Lake Worth Road, Lake Worth). Presale tickets cost $10 and can be purchased at brownpapertickets.com/event/219577. Tickets can also be purchased at the door for $15. Kids 12 and under get in free. (Remember to bring an extra five for those suicide seats!) Visit goldcoastderbygrrls.com.
Sat., Feb. 4, 6 p.m., 2012