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Uwe Boll, Worst Director Alive, to Wall Street Execs: "Don't Think You're Safe"
By Nick Schager
2000s: Video games outsell films. The digital revolution's new advances undermine the hallowed veracity of the photographic, analog, celluloid image. The remaining theatrical audience begins its final, inexorable contraction as viewers retreat behind laptops, iPhones, YouTube, xTube, et al., and rampant piracy bites into profit margins. "Mumblecore" is deemed important, and defined-in-opposition festival/art house aridity reaches an all-time high. The exodus from print media shifts chicken-little rhetoric into the digital realm, Internet think pieces on the death of cinema, ad nauseam. After a long illness, cinema is finally to be laid to rest at a service outside the Edison Labs in West Orange, New Jersey, on November 14, 2012. It will be buried in a Black Maria.
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