By Terrence McCoy
By Scott Fishman
By Deirdra Funcheon
By Allie Conti
By New Times Staff
By Ryan Pfeffer
By Deirdra Funcheon
By Kyle Swenson
An interview with the Heene Boyz goes like this:
New Times: Tell me about your songwriting process.
Bradford: When we make a song, we all go in our room. Falcon sings some lyrics, I mostly create the guitar parts, and Ryo creates the drums.
Do you like bands closer to your age? Like, what do you think of Justin Bieber?
Bradford: Who's Justin Bieber?
Seriously, you don't know who Justin Bieber is?
All three boys [dead serious]: No.
Have you ever heard of the Jonas Brothers?
Boys [blankly]: No, uh-uh.
Do you get stage fright?
Bradford: No! On stage, it's not scary at all!
Falcon [interrupting]: You hear the crowd cheering you, you feel the cool breeze blow, you feel the crowd's energy, you walk up there and play the first note, and —
Bradford [interrupting] [imitates guitar riff]: DDRRRRGGGGEEEEEEEHEHEHHH! Chicks in the front jump up and down with their boobies jiggling.
Falcon [interrupting]: We shout, "Are you ready to rock?"
Ryo [imitates drums]: ch-ch-dum-dum.
Do you get paid?
Bradford: We got paid once, at this place the Abbey. Some guy passed around a beer mug as a tip jar. We made $30. [They also were paid $50 at one other gig.] Do you remember when the whole world thought Falcon flew away in a balloon?
Falcon: I don't remember it.
Ryo: That was a long time ago.
Bradford: That was when we were little kids.
Ryo: We went on Wife Swap!
So what's next?
Ryo: We want to play music for the rest of our lives.
Falcon: We want to go to Sunfest.
Bradford: I want to play in a movie, play guitar, and do real estate too.
Bradford: Yeah, fix up houses and sell them. My dad teaches us how to do drywall, electrical work, tiling, plumb, roofing, concrete...
If they make it big, the boys want to have a house where they duct-tape mattresses to the walls and ceiling, effectively turning it into a bounce house. One room would be covered entirely in mirrors and have secret tunnels — for laser tag. There would be a motorcycle ramp over the house.
The boys, Richard explains, "can do whatever they want to do in life. If they want to be a plumber, an insurance salesman, I'll support that. But they started accumulating instruments. It's something they completely are into. They say they want to be like Metallica. If they're tired, they can stop anytime."
Mayumi says people at their gigs never bring up the flying saucer incident, and neither do they. And the kids wouldn't jam with such enthusiasm if they weren't digging it. "Kids won't do that if you don't have your own wish and own talent."
What about criticism that they're exploiting the kids?
Richard is disturbed at the suggestion. "No, because our kids own that. I wanted Bradford to own the ability to play guitar. I wanted Ryo to own the ability to play the drums. I wanted Falcon to own the ability to sing and play bass."
"This has absolutely nothing to do with Richard Heene," their dad says, before adding, "but who better than me to take a position as their manager? I don't want them to get ripped off."