Even your multibillionaire boss, Stephen Ross, played the bully in 2013. Demanding $170 million from taxpayers to fix up Sun Life Stadium, the Dolphins owner blackmailed fans by warning them Miami would never get another Super Bowl otherwise. When he didn't get his way — and we didn't get a Super Bowl — he threatened to take down the politicians who opposed him. Then he enraged South Floridians by turning around and dropping $200 million in a private donation to the University of Michigan as if to prove a point.

Then there's you, Richie. A bully growing up in New Jersey and Arizona. A nightmare at Nebraska. A no-show at Oregon. And the nemesis of the NFL. You spat on opponents, abused your teammates, and got into fistfights on and off the field. While playing for the St. Louis Rams, you showed up shitfaced to practice and still managed to step on the field often enough to incur the most personal fouls in the league. You fought with the fans whose tickets paid your salary. And you were named the NFL's dirtiest player. Even worse, you somehow made Warren Sapp — a thug synonymous with blindside hits — seem sympathetic by racially abusing him during games.

Just like in college, you were cut, briefly bounced to another team, and then landed with the Dolphins. You got a phoenix tattooed on your arm — right under your "Made in the USA" tat — because you said you kept rising up after knocking yourself down.

Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

But you should have stayed in the ashes. Because despite the video of you dressed in a cardigan while playing croquet with a cocky smile on your face and asking Dolfans to behave, you were still an uncivilized asshole.

Your first season with the Dolphins seemed to go well. You even made the Pro Bowl for the first time. But a few months later, your demons crawled out of hiding. You had a few too many drinks at a Dolphins charity golf tournament in Aventura, so you sexually harassed a resort employee. When she ignored you, you took a driver and rubbed it against her vagina, stomach, and breasts.

Then you knocked the sunglasses off her head, pressed your pudgy six-foot-three frame against her backside, and began grinding like R. Kelly. Finally, you poured a bottle of water over her face while yelling, "Let it rain! Let it rain!" Because that's how classy you are, Richie.

A half-dozen Dolphins employees apologized on your behalf, but you didn't bother. Your victim "felt like [you] didn't care and thought the whole incident was in fun and games," according to a police report. Yet, once again, you didn't face any criminal charges, because your team bailed you out and paid the woman to keep quiet.

Strange that after all that savagery, it was a sophisticate with a classics degree from Stanford who took you down. When second-year offensive lineman Jonathan Martin went AWOL from the Dolphins in November, suspicion slowly fell on you, supposedly his best friend and mentor. But when your phone message to Martin eventually leaked to the media, it became clear that your mentorship was really more of a mental assault.

"Hey, wassup, you half-n****r piece of shit," you said. "I saw you on Twitter — you been training ten weeks. [I want to] shit in your fucking mouth. [I'm going to] slap your fucking mouth. [I'm going to] slap your real mother across the face."

Then you laughed and added, "Fuck you. You're still a rookie. I'll kill you."

You claimed that you were being quoted out of context and that you and Martin were just ribbing each other. But it was too late. You had become the poster child for a year chock full of bullies.


Richie's last message to New Times appeared in our email inbox late one Saturday night, shortly after the Dolphins permanently suspended Incognito. This reporter clicked on the video file, and Richie's giant, baby-like body filled the screen. He was half-naked in a hot tub somewhere in Arizona. Saguaros stood on the horizon behind him, while a graveyard of empty glasses and half-eaten animal parts — ribs, chicken wings, and a T-bone or two — surrounded his small, bubbling empire. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a month.

"Wassup, bitches?" he slurred, but the edge was gone from his voice. Even the soaring phoenix tattooed on his forearm seemed sedated.

"Y'all make me sound like a criminal," he said, his eyes not quite fixed on the right part of the camera. "But I'm just Richie being Richie.

"Take that chick at the golf tournament," he noted. "She said her job was a hole monitor. A hole monitor. All I did was say she could monitor my club in her hole anytime she wanted. She got all hot and bothered, though, so I thought I'd cool her off with some water — on her boobs.

"And Jonathan Martin? That dude is dead to me now. We were like family. He was the half-black brother I never had, didn't really want, but then got to kind of like because I could make fun of him all the time. The problem was he was always quoting Plato or some shit instead of talking about pussy like the other guys. Coach Philbin told me I had to sort Martin out before he quit the team to go to law school.

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3 comments
1catmandude
1catmandude

If these are real people why didn't the sissy put a hatchet in-cognito's forehead? Not even the biggest sissy in my neighborhood would buy someone a plane ticket or anything else especially for a fat loudmouthed sissy football player. Let him join the UFC and demand a plane ticket from even the worst athlete. Chuck Lidell is retired and would put him out like a wet cigarette butt.

j.trainer
j.trainer

wow u r such a doosh...  i apologize on behalf of this lame ass author for anyone who wastes their time reading this article...  Incognito obviously didn't write any of this crap because if he did, this part of the story would have blown up a looooong ass time ago...  "It was funny because I really am an asshole, like that time just months earlier when I used a golf club to sexually assault a woman during a team outing. Hilarious, right?"  nobody is dumb enough to write that.... George Zimmerman! How could I have forgotten him? My brothah from anothah mothah! Pudgy, violent, and without remorse, just like me. After his acquittal, that dude would come over to my place in Fort Lauderdale. We'd get shitfaced, play Call of Duty, I'd call him a "half-Mexican" (or Peruvian, whatever), and we'd end up punching each other until we passed out" ...  COMMON MAN!!!  this article is complete bs and the author of this should be accused of bullying...   Michael E. Miller you are a disgrace to the world of journalism...... no...  this isn't journalism, this is garbage...   Michael E. Miller, you are a disgrace to garbage...  if this so-called video submission of incognito is real, let's see it...  Otherwise, please crawl back into the dumpster  Michael E. Miller...  U R A BULLY...  if anyone reads this comment but wants to get the best Dolphins info, just google Salguero cuz this  Michael E. Miller is a clown!!!

Bebep
Bebep

@j.trainerI hope you asked Santa for a sense of humor this year.

 
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