Mr. C: We're old-school. We have a tussle with someone. We usually won't hold a grudge.

Rat Bastard: People have been banned for throwing bottles.

Davila: The most recent one was somebody that went to the bathroom and broke a pipe glass over somebody's head while they were pissing.

Churchill's Pub owner Dave Daniels with 
his beloved double-decker bus.
Miami New Times photo archive
Churchill's Pub owner Dave Daniels with his beloved double-decker bus.
Owner Dave Daniels behind the bar.
Miami New Times photo archive
Owner Dave Daniels behind the bar.

Location Info

Map

Churchill's Pub

5501 NE 2nd Ave.
Miami, FL 33137

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: Central Dade

Details

Bowe: The true banning for life is Dave caught somebody pouring their own beers one night. And that's a no-no at Churchill's. I think they got a quarter of a cup out of the tap, and they're banned for life. The whole time I've been here, that's the only time I've seen Dave drag someone out by the scruff of the neck.

Mr. C: And the truth is nobody wants to be banned. Because your mates are still gonna come here. There's no loyalties. Your friends will choose Churchill's before you.

The line "Only at Churchill's" is no bullshit. Or, well, maybe, it does involve actual poo.

Loose: One of my most vivid Churchill's memories is a turd, just rising on a wave, like it was coming after me, as the toilet overflowed.

Rimada: Has someone talked about the chicken in the trees? In the past, they only had all those chairs in the back. It was this dark place for people to do drugs and other illicit shit. You go back there and you'd see eggshells on the floor. It was just bizarre. You would look up through the moonlight and the weird streetlight yellow glow pouring through the trees, you'd see these chickens just chilling up there. Why the fuck was this chicken in the tree laying eggs? It was the kind of thing that could only happen at Churchill's.

De Hellion: They would go up in the tree, and you had to be careful when you'd sit out in the back patio, because they'd shit on you.

Bowe: A band from France, Costes, that Rat brought in, the girl had her period on him, and then he shit on her and started rubbing it all over himself.

Rat Bastard: Costes is one of the greatest performance artists in the world. He's played Churchill's twice for free... He's so intense, he actually spent five years in prison for his art.

Bowe: Then he ran for the crowd, and the whole crowd took off for the other side of the bar. He said, "No, those idiots; it was chocolate pudding." He put a bag up his ass, so when he stuck his finger up it, he punctured it with a long fingernail. And he did it so perfectly, everyone thought it was shit.

Rat Bastard: I said, "If someone took a dump on the stage, you'd smell it from a mile away." That's a combination of chocolate pudding and sauerkraut.

Bowe: There was Wednesday-night Jell-O wrestling. These girls were lesbians, bisexuals, whatever you want to call them — all of them had something to do with Churchill's. Some were bartenders; some were in bands. Eight of them sat down together and said, "Let's do this." It became kind of a theatrical thing. They'd sell the ringside seats for $12, the outer-ring seats for $10, and it was $7 to get in. Three to four hundred people would come in here on a Wednesday night. So all the perverts would have the $12 seats, all the semiperverts around them, and these girls would make a fucking fortune.

Rat Bastard: It wasn't just Jell-O. What they did was use different foods. They did peanut butter, spaghetti, some weird ones.

Davila: Dave was really upset because it's not really Jell-O; it's like some Jell-O-like substance. But Dave really wanted us to make boxes and boxes of Jell-O. So he bought a ton of boxes of Jell-O and was like, "Why don't you guys just make it?" We were like, "Where do you think we're going to store all of this stuff to fill a whole pool?" So we have tons of Jell-O if anybody's interested.

In the club's final weeks under Daniels' tenure, some of the original Churchill's acts — including Charlie Pickett, Henk Milne, Rob Elba, Juan Montoya, and Jim Camacho — came back for a last hurrah. Kreamy 'Lectric Santa flew in from Asheville, North Carolina, to offer tribute, and Rat Bastard played his final set at the pub.

Daniels expects to leave Churchill's by the end of May and has plans to live between here and England and write a historical-fiction novel set in his hometown. And yes, he will still watch the 2014 World Cup at Churchill's Pub.

Daniels: The thing I'm going to miss the most is the contact with young people. I sort of have a rapport with these young girls, and miniskirts are getting back to nearly as short as they were in England in the '60s. That contact has kept me a bit younger.

Toth: As much of a pervert as he is, as creepy and dirty as the place is, he's one of my favorite family members. Dave has always been nice to me, and I like him better than some of my family members for sure.

Bowe: I wonder what Dave's going to do. We've argued, screamed, and shouted at each other, left, come back. It gets pretty crazy at times. That's how it goes. But I'll always walk back through the door and say, "Hey, that doesn't mean you're not going to come to Christmas dinner."

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1 comments
GidgetGein
GidgetGein

Pretty obvious why Rat Bastard is one of the worst bands. They don't even know a band's history but claim they do. Cindy Deats was in a band with Scott known as "India I love You" and was never known as Marilyn Manson. 

 
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