Delirious folk, if youre celebrating July Fourth here in this heat, its because you live here. Splendid! It sure the hell feels like hell (temperaturewise). If youre a tourist, get ready: We normally get through this day by drinking. Heavily. But this year, we wont forget about all the activities these South Floridian cities plan for us. Not with this itinerary:
When you roll out of bed: Head straight for beers at the Elbo Room on Fort Lauderdale beach (241 S. Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd.), and stare at the 100 Years sign that blocks your view of the ocean. Woo-hoo, happy birthday, Fort Lauderdale! Stick around to hear the American Legion Patriotic Orchestra at noon.
1 p.m.: Partake in the inaugural Star Spangled Stop Burger Eating Contest at Weston Town Center (1675 Market St., Weston) to sober up.
2 p.m.: Sober now? Good. Or you woulda looked like a jackass showing up for Delray Beachs Surfer Memorial wasted. This will be emotional. Go to the 60-foot red, white, and blue flag at the intersection of Atlantic Avenue and A1A and follow the procession of surfers into the ocean. (You shoulda put on your wetsuit by now.) One by one, theyll swim out, finally forming a circle in the middle of big blue. Youre now part of a memorial service.
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7 p.m.: Shove dogs and three-pound hamburgers down your throat as fast as you can carpe diem! The eating contest is set-up at the stage on Atlantic Avenue and A1A in Delray Beach. >.
On the way to watch the fireworks: Wobble over to Kevros Art Bar (166 SE Second Ave., Delray Beach) for its fourth-anniversary party. Its time to celebrate with the artists and Kevros is where some of them congregate. Bring your strings and things theres gonna be a jam session, and youre invited!
9 p.m.: Flip the bird to whoever said you couldnt be in two places at once, because youre in six places at once at Vista View Park (4001 SW 142nd Ave., Davie). Broward Countys highest man-made point (read: old landfill) has you watching fireworks displays from Davie, Sunrise, Miramar, and Pembroke Pines, possibly even from Hollywood and Fort Lauderdale as well. Feel like the king of the county, and it costs you only two bucks.
Go home. The smoke left behind from fireworks gives the air a seductive quality. Its nice.
Mon., July 4, 8 a.m., 2011