If the Red Sox can win the World Series, then hell must be frozen over, and yes, those are indeed pigs in the air. So it's an appropriate time for the Broward Center for the Performing Arts (201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale) to stage When Pigs Fly. The play answers the question, "Can a gay man who is in love with the theater find happiness?" The work was written by late costume designer Howard Crabtree and plays out his "dream autobiography" of his life with partner/lyricist/sketch writer Mark Waldrop. Laugh, hear songs like "Wear Your Vanity with Pride," and learn how to do drag properly. The show starts at 7:30 tonight, and tickets cost $27. It runs through Sunday. Call 954-462-0222.
You think you're pretty clever down at the local comedy club, sitting in the audience and hurling insults at the poor sap on stage. You think you can do better? Screw it -- why not? That's how Patrice O'Neal got started. A staple of Comedy Central, O'Neal has appeared in anything from sketch comedies like Chappelle's Show to animated shows like Shorties Watchin' Shorties, in which he plays a younger, diapered version of himself (imagine an adult-oriented version of Rugrats). On the standup front, O'Neal comes from the Richard Pryor/George Carlin school of comedy, approaching his material with a little more honesty and verve than the average "look what happened to me on the subway" variety of comic. Don't even think of heckling him -- he's already played that game. And won. O'Neal performs today and Saturday at the New York Comedy Club (8221 Glades Rd., Boca Raton). Tickets cost $15 to $20. Call 561-470-6887.
Like the famously overlooked Funk Brothers -- the legendary men behind the Motown curtain -- Jamaica's Soul Syndicate has spent the past three decades relegated to its status as a studio band. Thus, the rootsy reggae group will never know the joys of having its stickers proudly displayed on the water bongs of American college students. But it's never too late, right? The Syndicate must have some good karma heading its way. Well, that may be, as the band performs at tonight's Karma at Club XIT (219 N. 21st Ave., Hollywood) along with local radio jocks Mega Flexx and Six Pack. Also appearing from the other side of the receiver is 103.5 FM's Papa Keith, who doles out free tequila shots to the ladies. So come share in the good vibes -- and pass a little along to the band. Call 954-925-5801.
Toss the rubber ducky and have a splash adventure with your dog. It's the last day of the season for the Splash Adventure water playground at Quiet Waters Park (401 S. Powerline Rd., Deerfield Beach). Rangers have neutralized the chemicals and flung open the gates so that your pets can climb through tunnels, go down slides, and get squirted by sprinklers. The "Bark, Wiggle, and Splash" event also features a leash-free zone where dogs can run wild, plus contests, games, vendors, dog adoptions, and a dog wash. If you feel like settling in awhile, check out the "Bed & Bark" section -- 23 lakefront, elevated, canvas tent sites with grills and picnic tables. The event starts on Saturday and ends today. It costs $1 per person to get into the park and $2 per dog to play in the water playground. Donations will help the Pet Aid League offer veterinary care to pets of low-income families. Call 561-752-3043, or visit www.havedog.com.
A kiss is just a kiss... unless it's The Kiss -- the famous sculpture by Auguste Rodin that shows a man and woman going in for a heavy-duty makeout sesh. This A-Rod certainly had a way with a blowtorch! But wait -- there weren't any blowtorches in 1886. So how did he craft all those bronze pieces? Find out from sculptor Mary Louise Snowden, who inherited Rodin's personal tools through three generations of sculptors and set to work on her own masterpieces. When she was 36 years old, Snowden was awarded a Lifetime Achievement in American Sculpture, and in 1992, she won the world's most prestigious sculpture prize, the International Rodin Competition Special Grand Prize. Check out some of her work (and those tools!) at New River Fine Art (914 E. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale) through November 26. This way, when you go see the "Flame of Liberty" sculpture that's currently being created for the World War II Memorial in Washington, D.C., you can say, "Yeah, I know the chick who made that, and I know how she did it." Call 954-524-2100.
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Hey dude, like, who's your favorite guitar player? Is it Eddie Van Halen? Steve Vai? Eric Clapton? All three? Boy, are you a tool -- have you not heard of Adrian Legg? That guy can play, and we're not talking about generic, ten-fingered metal solos and gratuitous pick slides; this guy is the Obi-Wan Kenobi of guitar playing. Sure, the bald-headed, bespectacled Legg doesn't look like your average shredder (if you saw him in Sam Ash, you'd think he's shopping for his kid), but his technique is nothing short of wizardry. It's no surprise he was voted Guitarist of the Decade in Guitarist magazine's readers poll. You don't need to mosh to enjoy his playing. Just stand there and let your jaw drop. Adrian breaks a leg at 9 tonight at the Bamboo Room (25 S. "J" St., Lake Worth). Tickets cost $15. Call 561-585-2583.
If you've spent any time on Fort Lauderdale Beach (Las Olas Boulevard and A1A), you have seen our favorite local celebrity, Col. Bob Weinstein, working out with his "troops." Perhaps you snickered at him, running around in his camouflage pants and combat boots as you coolly lifted Budweisers over at the Elbo Room. To you and your spare tire, the Health Colonel says, "Too much yappin'; not enough action." Dare to try the colonel's class and you will find that, in between doing the "Death Walk" and working the "abdominables," the guy cracks jokes, doles out inspirational quotes, and dispenses advice to the lovelorn. Next thing you know, you've just done 100 pushups and the colonel has convinced you that squats are not painful but "romantic." Bob loves working out so much that he'll keep you there all night unless you say, "Hey, Colonel! Let's play a game! Chase me to my car!" Class starts at 7 p.m. Wednesdays or 8 a.m. Saturdays. Visit www.nomorecrybabies.com, or call 305-491-3573. Cost: $15 per class.