There is an upside to getting cited for a moving violation -- it means you get to go to traffic school. Comedy traffic school -- where students swap stories and vie for the title of "Speed King"... where you laugh at people who got tickets for not having their balls properly attached to their trailer hitches... where your instructor rags on meter maids. Comedian Eric Nusbaum served his tenure as a teacher at comedy traffic school -- but when he takes the stage at the Garage Bar & Grill (600 N. Congress Ave., Delray Beach) tonight, his repertoire won't be limited to cops-eating-donuts jokes. Nusbaum has performed with Sam Kinison, Jay Leno, and Jerry Seinfeld, and he was the house emcee at Yuk Yuks in Rochester. The show starts at 8:30 p.m., and it's free. Call 561-278-5554 (DF)
While it awaits the release of its eight-song EP, the Mission Veo is gigging like there's no tomorrow. Hell, there may be no tomorrow after November 2. That's why the band is taking part in the rescheduled Rock for Democracy Weekend at Club M (2037 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood). The show is part of the Mission Veo's Three-Night Stand Tour -- put together with some help from TheHoneycomb.com -- in which the boys do a little tricounty criss-crossing to spread their sci-fi, indie-rock sound throughout the area. For such a new band (it's been together for only a year), the Mission Veo seems to have amassed quite the following; perhaps hard work really does pay off. Fans of Mars Volta, At the Drive-In, and Interpol -- the group's prime influences -- should take note. The doors open at 8 p.m. Admission costs $5. Call 954-925-8396, or visit www.themissionveo.com. (JB)
Jazz fans probably get a good chuckle when hip-hop stars announce their retirement. After all, didn't the Heath Brothers try retirement? The hard-bop trio formed when Jay-Z's dad was still in diapers, but the brothers have yet to call it a career. It's not easy for a band to turn its back on a lifetime of experiences, especially when that includes playing with bop greats like Charlie Parker. Even washed-up hair metal bands still cling to their glory years like spandex on their aging haunches. But in the event that the Heath Brothers do retire soon, you might want to check 'em out tonight at the Coral Springs Center for the Arts (2855 Coral Springs Dr., Coral Springs). If 81-year-old Percy Heath can keep it up, then the 30-something crowd of retiring rappers will probably return one day as well; of course, the Heath Brothers weren't the target of repeated death threats and drive-by shootings. The show starts at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $37.10 to $53. Call 954-344-5990. (JB)
Hoo-wee! Aren't you just sick of that crybaby liberal Michael Moore and all his Hollywood buddies who'd rather have Saddam back in power? Heck, that goes double for Bruce Springsteen and the rest of those terrorist-lovin' traitors on the Vote for Change Tour. We can thank our stars and stripes for real Americans like Toby Keith, who ain't about to let some spineless Massachusetts lefty give up our right to "kick their ass and take their gas." Keith's Big Throwdown Tour rolls into town today like a Humvee through Fallujah. If you still believe in the mythical Iraq/al Qaeda link, you'll most likely spend the day at Sound Advice Amphitheatre (601-7 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach) with Keith and openers Terri Clark and Scotty Emerick. Needless to say, Democrats attending the show should remove their Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers before arrival. The show starts at 7:30 p.m. Tickets cost $30.75 to $60.75. Call 561-793-0445. (JB)
They're free! Free! Free! Yep, the Broward Cultural Council took a hint from Wal-Mart and rolled back the prices on a series of writing and publishing workshops for aspiring scribes. In fact, they dialed the cost all the way down to zero. Thanks to a grant from the council, local author and writing coach Karen Dale Wolman, a New Times contributor, can concentrate on teaching rather than rifling through her fanny pack to make change at the door. Wolman's Advanced Fiction Writing Workshop lasts from 6:30 to 8:30 tonight at the Broward County Library North Regional Branch (1100 Coconut Creek Blvd., Coconut Creek). She'll also lead a Short Story Writing Workshop beginning on Wednesday, October 6, and a seminar called "Getting Your Work Into Print" on the 23rd. Wolman's workshops are geared toward gay and lesbian writers, but anyone can benefit from her tips on establishing conflict, improving dialogue, and developing characters -- whether those characters bat for the home team or not. Call 954-957-9818, or visit www.lavenderwrites.org. (DF)
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The Broward County Main Library isn't the only county venue currently exhibiting works by Hispanic artists -- there's plenty out west too, at the Broward Community College South Campus Gallery (7200 Pines Blvd., Bldg. 69, Pembroke Pines). The "Contemporary Latin American Art VII" exhibit features 21 paintings by artists from Cuba and South America. Culture is the only theme here. While some pieces depict scenes of everyday life, most lean closer toward the dreamlike and abstract. Nothing screams surrealism like a painting that doesn't quite match its title. Such is Javier Dubrocq's Historia de la Revolucin Cubana, which seems more about vegetation than revolution. Far from portraying images of guerrilla warfare, Dubrocq shows us what resembles an alien jungle, complete with mutated fruits and what appears to be a female breast growing from the ground. Dubrocq only hints at the underlying human drama with an obscured figure peering through the leaves. Viva la Revolucin -- surrealist style! The exhibit runs through October 29. Call 954-201-8895. (JB)
Playing poker at Pier 66 Pelican Bar (2301 SE 17th St. Cswy., Fort Lauderdale) is better than playing at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. You can't lose all your money, because there's no wagering allowed. The drinks, however, still flow freely, and the game's sponsor -- Knob Creek Bourbon -- will make donations to the prostate Cancer Foundation. Bring your poker face -- and your highball-lifting hands -- to the Knob Creek Charity Poker Classic Kick-Off Event for a few rounds of Texas Hold 'Em tonight from 6 to 9. More rounds will be held throughout the month at various local bars. RSVP by calling 800-652-2472. (DF)