rss Email Author Edmund Newton

Awards

  • 2008 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published February 8, 2007

    "Atta's Fork"

  • 2008 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published March 8, 2007

    "Ten Seconds to Eternity"

  • 2008 - National Society of Newspaper Columnists, published September 27, 2007

    "Electomachine"

2008 Stories by Edmund Newton

Archives: 2008 | 2007 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003
  • Florida Is Cleaner

    published December 25, 2008

    Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who represents much of west Broward, is an increasingly high-profile operative in the national... More >>

  • Christmas Tale

    published December 11, 2008

    True story. Tailpipe came out of his house a few months ago and found Sal, a glum, knobby-faced man from down the block, lying right in... More >>

  • She Walks on Water

    published December 11, 2008

    Frances Woofenden, 84 years young this week, has a better physique than many a 20-year-old. She owes her toned frame, she says, to... More >>

  • News You Can Lose

    published December 11, 2008

    You're at home catching some z's after a rushed, super-busy morning, and the doorbell rings. There stands a crew from Channel 7 News, with a... More >>

  • Holiday Haz

    published December 4, 2008

    It's that time of year again. Fright time. The season to hide in your room. Preferably under the bed. Whatever you do, stay away from those... More >>

  • You're Busted, Fashion Felon

    published December 4, 2008

    South Florida has its own, sometimes-flawed, dress code. Love our flip-flops, cleavage excites us, and minidresses never get passé. But... More >>

  • Not to Praise but to Bury

    published December 4, 2008

    "As a child, I wanted to be Superman," Mitch Ceasar wrote in a column last February. "But without a cape and alas special powers," he... More >>

  • Banana Republic

    published November 27, 2008

    So it's official. Ellen Brodsky, Broward County's most uncompromising voting rights activist and independent candidate for the county's... More >>

  • Meh-rino!

    published November 27, 2008

    Finally: The Dolphins are at least mediocre. In this, the season of giving thanks, fans owe much to Chad Pennington. He's the reason... More >>

  • Pain of Beefcake

    published November 27, 2008

    Christina, Janelle, and Lissandra were doing what a lot of young women do on Saturday nights in Fort Lauderdale: some... More >>

  • Come Fly With Me

    published November 27, 2008

    The last time you saw Kevin Kearney, he was on Fort Lauderdale Beach, then he was... flying... across A1A... then colliding... with the... More >>

  • Watch Out, Red Baron

    published November 20, 2008

    The first time the 'Pipe flew in an airplane was in the 1960s, on a cut-rate, midnight, Pan American Airlines flight from New York to Puerto... More >>

  • The Heat has something2prove

    published November 13, 2008

    Click... More >>

  • Dennis Miller’s no help for grieving McCainites

    published November 13, 2008

    If there was one place where disappointed Broward Republicans might expect to find a little solace the day after Election Day, it should have... More >>

  • Carlton Moore splits the Lauderdale scene. With polite venom.

    published November 13, 2008

    It was a momentous occasion for Fort Lauderdale Commissioner Carlton Moore: his last commission meeting after two decades of service.... More >>

  • Chaos is just part of the voting process in SoFla

    published November 13, 2008

    American presidential elections never really end anymore. Over in Tampa, they were still hand-feeding ballots into some resistant optical... More >>

  • Ahoy, Yacht Lovers

    published October 30, 2008

    Three years ago, Hurricane Wilma clobbered the 46th Annual Fort Lauderdale International Boat Show, not only putting show sites through... More >>

  • Privacy Schmivacy

    published October 23, 2008

    With all of the other flack sailing around the office of the Broward County Supervisor of Elections, the folks there didn't need this: citizens... More >>

  • It's the Humidity

    published October 23, 2008

    It was quite a show as South Florida Democrats invited the party faithful and would-be converts to rally for the first day of early voting at... More >>

  • Broward County Absentee Ballots Carry Party Affiliation

    published October 16, 2008

    Call it the election equivalent of a “Kick Me” sign that some mischievous kid tapes to your back. The office of the More >>

  • Coyote

    published October 16, 2008

    Filmmakers and novelists love to talk about American insularity and blundering naiveté. You know, that distinctive and ultimately... More >>

  • Ultimate fighters weigh in on Kimbo Slice

    published October 16, 2008

    The 'Pipe is still shaking his rusty noggin over the recent debacle in Sunrise involving hometown hero Kimbo Slice, the homeless man... More >>

  • Abstinence education grant renewed for Palm Beach schools

    published October 16, 2008

    No matter what happens on Election Day, abstinence education will (sorry, all you free-sex fans) go on. Be the One, an organization that... More >>

  • Tsunami Ahead

    published October 9, 2008

    Less than a month away, the presidential election looms off the coast of South Florida like a seasonal storm, one of those buzz-saw... More >>

  • You're Fired!

    published October 2, 2008

    The fate of one New Times sidewalk distribution box doesn't amount to a hill of beans in this cockeyed world of ours. It's there one... More >>

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