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2008 Stories by Jamie Laughlin

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  • “He Writhes on the Floor, Like a Cockroach Playing the Sax”

    published December 18, 2008

    You have to wonder what thoughts crossed the policeman’s mind who wandered into Radio-Active Records one recent night. Unable to be... More >>

  • Tonight We Wake the Art Monster

    published December 18, 2008

    On the surface, West Palm Beach appears to be an ordinary, well-heeled city. Look deeper and you’ll find a subculture hell-bent on pushing... More >>

  • A Plague of Santas

    published December 18, 2008

    As a child, you found him suspicious. Why would a magical dude like Santa spend his days greeting children at shopping centers? Shouldn’t he... More >>

  • Santa, Baby

    published December 18, 2008

    Around the holidays, the general population can be divided into two categories: those who are getting some, and those who are not. If you wish... More >>

  • Get Real

    published December 18, 2008

    You can only see a handful of Lichtenstein and Warhol knock-offs before you start demanding answers: Where is pop art going? Does it still exist?... More >>

  • Be The Light

    published December 18, 2008

    Let the Christians and seculars have their Santa, he’s a wimp anyway. If the fat man were ever faced with fist to face combat, you can be... More >>

  • Love Avery for his Body

    published December 18, 2008

    A drizzle of Matisse here, a scatter of Picasso there. Finding a well-rounded body of an artist’s work in one location can be unbearably... More >>

  • Klaatu Barada Nikto

    published December 18, 2008

    When the aliens do invade, will you be ready? Will you bake them a welcome wagon gift or celebrate your Second Amendment rights by stockpiling... More >>

  • Buy Your Inner Child a Candy Apple

    published December 18, 2008

    One of life’s cruelest tricks is that we become hardened with age. For children, everything is fascinating, but as our timeline’s tail... More >>

  • Let's All Move to the Land of Sweets

    published December 4, 2008

    For eleven months of the year, South Floridians live in a state of perpetual summer. But every December, something magical happens: We celebrate... More >>

  • Does Good Puppy Wanna Go For a Walk?

    published December 4, 2008

    It’s happened again: you get home on Tuesday night and you can’t even enjoy your evening — your mind is consumed with the number of... More >>

  • “I Don’t Care! I’d Rather Sink Than Call Brad for Help!”

    published December 4, 2008

    Some styles cannot be duplicated, only ripped off. That’s the case with artist Roy Lichtenstein, the man responsible for redefining... More >>

  • Lab Journal

    published December 4, 2008

    Removal of subjects’ temporal lobes reveals an absence of typical grey matter in these outwardly normal cranial cavities. In what would,... More >>

  • When Convictions Become Crushing

    published December 4, 2008

    Religion can be considered either part of our human makeup or a great distraction. But when that passion no longer allows for outside thought to... More >>

  • We’re So Poor We Don’t Even Have a Language!

    published November 27, 2008

    Mel Brooks has always stood out as a true comic’s comic. He has a knack for bringing the most showbizzy of all showbiz elements to the... More >>

  • Here, There, and Nowhere

    published November 27, 2008

    Scranton, Pa., certain parts of Davie, and basically any red state from the last election could fit the description “The Middle of... More >>

  • A Well Respected Man

    published November 27, 2008

    Our country was invaded in the early sixties, not by gun-toting militiamen, but by axe-wielding Brits. Such a well-received war on the U.S. status... More >>

  • I’ll be Your Puppet If You’ll Ride Shotgun

    published November 27, 2008

    New Orleans has its own force of gravity -- it's stronger and more targeted than the scientific law governing the rest of nature. At feeding time,... More >>

  • Hide and Go Seek, Art

    published November 27, 2008

    You don't usually find hand-painted, wooden dildos peeking out of the shrubbery in downtown Fort Lauderdale. While you might wish that you could,... More >>

  • Rex Stars

    published November 20, 2008

    Florida wasn't always a dangly spindle of over-priced real estate. Just a quick couple hundred million years ago it puzzled its way through... More >>

  • The Earth: One Hot Mess

    published November 20, 2008

    It’s official: We’ve managed to damage all that is fundamentally good about Earth. From poisoning the water supplies with oil spills and... More >>

  • You Have Reached Brewtopia

    published November 20, 2008

    Ballerinas are of a gentle lineage. They can leap over our heads like catapulting pop-up toys and twist dexterously like rubber chickens, but they... More >>

  • Nothin’ Says “I Love You”

    published November 20, 2008

    Most years, holiday shopping entails running to Walgreens at the last second, scoring a bag of stale circus peanuts and a bottle of Designer... More >>

  • Heaven Just Got Dreamier

    published November 13, 2008

    Guys never got it. They scoff at our dusty paperback copies of Valley of the Dolls, and doubly so at our coveted DVD collector reissues of the... More >>

  • Really, Go Out With Him

    published November 13, 2008

    The late ’70s were an interesting time for pop music. Punk, new wave, and rock grappled each other in a sweaty, lust-fueled, ménage... More >>

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