Email Author Jamie Laughlin

2009 Stories by Jamie Laughlin

• Like Cirque du Soleil, from the land of Panda Bears

  published December 31, 2009

  More than 2500 years ago, dedicated (and flexible) members of China’s working class developed a new art form: acrobatics. They took discarded... More >>

• Booze Buffet

  published December 31, 2009

  The phrase “All You Can Drink” can either be approached (a) with caution or (b) as a challenge — depending on your personal school... More >>

• Case of the Mondays in the Corner Pocket

  published December 24, 2009

  Mondays are oppressive. Your job has reestablished its control of your week, there’s no good television, and the Netflix you ordered on... More >>

• Santa! You Got My Letter!

  published December 17, 2009

  You hate holiday shopping. Rushing from one crowded parking lot to another in search of the perfect gift doesn’t fill you with the holiday... More >>

• Pinball Wizard

  published December 3, 2009

  The two of you shared a unique relationship, one that your parents would never understand. That’s why you had to sneak around, meeting up at... More >>

• She Plays Games

  published November 26, 2009

  She’s voluptuous. She wants to make you scream. And — well, she’s a little bitchy. Glam kitten Misty Eyez wouldn’t be... More >>

• Look With Your Eyes, Boys

  published November 19, 2009

  Never underestimate the effect of a well-placed swish of crinoline in a boy’s face. There. That one was free. You’re welcome. If... More >>

• Bustle and Flow

  published November 19, 2009

  Are you a sucker for the sleek silhouettes of the 1930s? Those playful shears, when worn modernly, still look en vogue. Maybe the dame-amplifying... More >>

• Groove Is in the Park

  published November 5, 2009

  Summer is tough on Floridians. Months of sprinting from one pocket of air conditioning to another can crush your soul. Fortunately, one festival... More >>

• Michael Jackson in a Hyperbaric… Too Soon?

  published October 29, 2009

  Zombified Amy Winehouse with a moldy weave. Members of Insane Clown Posse during a post-hurricane Faygo shortage. A leather-vest-wearing Pat... More >>

• Jerry Seinfeld: He Keeps it Clean

  published October 22, 2009

  The Seinfeld era marked a more honest point in American history. At its epicenter was an unlikely anti-hero: a milk-drinking neurotic with... More >>

• Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong, With a Little Bump and Grind

  published October 22, 2009

  Pull up to designated outsider haunts (municipal building front steps, sanctioned skate parks, or poorly lit parking lots) this evening, and... More >>

• Garage Rock A-Go Go!

  published October 15, 2009

  Do you like a little jangle with your reverb? Test drive the collection of work by low-fi femmes the Vivian Girls. Balancing between gritty... More >>

• Flex Those Pecs

  published October 8, 2009

  Your workout routine is more meta than traditional. You know that your biceps brachia is in there somewhere, but who’s to say it wants to be... More >>

• No Lifeguard on Duty

  published October 1, 2009

  Of course you curse your bikini; it no longer camouflages your jiggly parts that once held firm. But if you recognized that swimsuit for what it... More >>

• If I Was Royalty in a Past Life, Why Do I Live in This Dump?

  published September 24, 2009

  Since no existing church was privy to Sylvia Browne’s personal Godly revelations, she did what any good celebrity psychic would do:... More >>

• Miss Pretty Had It Coming

  published September 24, 2009

  When Alicia Olink instructs people to look at her privates, they do it. The Kill Miss Pretty frontwoman exudes that magical prowess... More >>

• Pagans March to a Different Drum Circle

  published September 17, 2009

  It’s time to make a bold decision. The time has come to unlearn everything you’ve ever believed about pagans, and perhaps more... More >>

• Even My Chakras Are Sagging! What to Do?

  published September 10, 2009

  Do you feel like a human slug just waiting to be salted? Are you searching for inspiration through perspiration? Do you enjoy massaging your... More >>

• A Plie Is a Promise

  published August 27, 2009

  Your house is laced with evidence of your raging case of A.C.P. (Activity Commitment Phobia). That treadmill you purchased to train for marathons... More >>

• The End of Bromance

  published July 23, 2009

  In the new Sundance award-winning buddy film, Humpday, you are introduced to Ben (Mark Duplass: The Puffy Chair, Baghead) and... More >>

• Don’t Go, Green Space!

  published July 16, 2009

  In the United States’ master timeline, South Florida hasn’t been settled for long. Any long-term resident will tell you about how it... More >>

• The Great Adaptation Experiment

  published July 9, 2009

  Comedian Jamie Kennedy wasn’t born to fame. He didn’t arrive in Tinseltown with prestigious managerial representation, a fly... More >>

• Maximize Your Fun Quadrant

  published July 2, 2009

  Friday, 5 p.m. — You and your most stylish girlfriends embark on a glorious mission to enjoy complimentary Ladies’ Night... More >>

• Crêpe Expectations

  published June 25, 2009

  You're hopeless at wooing. Your last date was offended by your venue choice - even though Bow Hunter magazine assured you that chicks dig... More >>