Email Author Phillip Valys

2008 Stories by Phillip Valys

• From France with Love

  published June 12, 2008

  The name Hubert Bonisseur de la Bath doesn’t quite ring so harmonically as the much brawnier-sounding James Bond. That and his even clunkier... More >>

• Go Granny, Go Granny, Go Granny, Go!

  published May 22, 2008

  You’ve probably seen Mimi Weddell before. She’s a spry, Energizer Bunny-like nonagenarian who graces countless print ads as well... More >>

• First You Get the Money, Then You Get the Power,

  published May 15, 2008

  Here’s a lesser-known story about those tyrannical, no-good Nazis: In the late 1930s, they planned to bankrupt the English economy by... More >>

• Plan 9 from Delray Beach!

  published May 8, 2008

  Something happened on the way to the Delray Beach Film Festival: a meddling, sci-fi spoof of B-movie camp somehow slinked in! Yup,... More >>

• “Yo, I’m walkin’ here, Adrian!”

  published April 24, 2008

  Movie catchphrases are often more time-honored than the films themselves. Hell, Paul and Young Ron replay Joe Pesci’s chestnut from Raging... More >>

• Dude, Where’s My Carburetor?

  published April 17, 2008

  You probably didn’t know Willet's Point, Queens, was the chop shop capital of the world, so here’s some advice: Don’t park your... More >>

• Battle of the Sexes

  published March 27, 2008

  My, have the rules of flirtation and courtship changed in the last 200 years. Take Napoleonic general Armand de Montriveau’s bizarre crack at... More >>

• Outback Mistakehouse

  published March 20, 2008

  Imagine for a second that you’re an immigrant youngster: Your father is borderline suicidal, and your nympho mom’s screwed everyone in... More >>

• Wax On, Wax Off

  published March 13, 2008

  Try thinking of director Nadine Labaki’s Caramel as a Steel Magnolias for Middle Eastern sensibilities, only also set... More >>

• Take the Gun, Leave the Castle

  published February 28, 2008

  Sometimes, safeguarding historical monuments from enemy hostiles is a lot like watching paint dry. For the poor soldier doomed to such tedium,... More >>

• All the Ark You’ve Come to Love,

  published February 14, 2008

  Noah’s Ark wasn’t designed to be wedged between a cement staircase and an art gallery, but try to tell it that. The lumbering... More >>

• American Handstand

  published January 24, 2008

  Chances are strong that if Luna Bars and Soy Joys comprise your daily grub intake, you’re probably already familiar with foam mats and the... More >>

• Wow! He Made my Money Disappear!

  published January 17, 2008

  Art lovers know that a roguish magician equals trouble (the daredevil gleam in his sandbagged eyes only compounds problems). And yet, try as they... More >>

• You Might Need Advil

  published January 3, 2008

  Nothing beats huddling on Main Street for the annual holiday parade. There’s something magical about the roar of snazzy snare drums, the... More >>