Email Author Sam Eifling

2007 Stories by Sam Eifling

• Bottling Boozer

  published December 20, 2007

  Since the NBA’s then-New Orleans team moved to Salt Lake City in 1979, the Utah Jazz has been the most oxymoronic team name in... More >>

• Hungry Like T-Wolves

  published December 13, 2007

  While the Heat contends for the Worst Record in the Eastern Conference title, Miami can take solace in the knowledge that the Minnesota... More >>

• Calling All Wenches

  published November 29, 2007

  Are you pale, malnourished, and gap-toothed? Can you mimic a generic English accent, or hike your ham-sized mammies up in a corset? Do you strum a... More >>

• Garnett in Green

  published November 29, 2007

  It was fun there for about 15 years, wondering when the Celtics were going to come out of their tailspin. They tried everything, from... More >>

• Riled

  published November 22, 2007

  Shortly after the point at which the Miami Heat honed losing into a true art – that would be with a second loss in the young season to... More >>

• Good at Being Bad

  published November 15, 2007

  Not that anyone is counting, but after the Heat’s third loss to open this season – a jumbled, too-little-too-late two-point loss... More >>

• K-Dur?

  published November 8, 2007

  Kevin Durant is built like the answer to some Sphinx’s riddle: What has the offensive skills of a Michael Jordan, the... More >>

• Preseasoning

  published November 1, 2007

  Heat fans, beware: The loser talk has already begun. After Miami closed out its seven-game preseason slate with a seventh loss, this by 17... More >>

• Reading Miranda

  published October 25, 2007

  A boxer without a story may as well be a horse. A man’s history inspires empathy in others; with empathy, we taste the bitterness of the... More >>

• It’s Tony Parker’s World

  published October 18, 2007

  The NBA announced recently that Dwyane Wade’s jersey is its top-seller in Europe, which, considering how many European players are spotting... More >>

• Penny for Your Backcourt?

  published October 4, 2007

  Looking at the past three months for the Heat, it’s hard to tell whether the team took the off-season off or merely had an off... More >>

• What Is in a Name

  published September 20, 2007

  Just when you want to break up with the Panthers altogether, the team goes out and picks a player with a Dickensian name like Keaton... More >>

• Indie in Name Only

  published September 13, 2007

  They’re still calling their music “indie” rock, even though the four former New York University retro-hipsters who together form... More >>

• Mixed and Matched

  published September 6, 2007

  Time was, this stuff was known generically as ultimate fighting, and it looked like a cross between boxing and a bar brawl. The main difference... More >>

• Phalling Phast

  published August 30, 2007

  At this point in the season, fans of bad teams cite tiny gifts as solace for a year gone to spore. For instance, when the Marlins recently... More >>

• Braves’ New World

  published August 23, 2007

  It was kind of cute when the Braves went all-in to bring hard-swinging righty Mark Teixeira to Atlanta before the trading deadline, only to... More >>

• Surly You Jest

  published August 23, 2007

  That frisson of terror you feel when you see clowns has a fancy name: coulrophobia. Perhaps it stems from meeting a drunken clown as a child, or... More >>

• Snakebitten

  published August 9, 2007

  The Arizona Diamondbacks specialize in winning close games and losing blowouts. Near the bottom of the National League in most batting... More >>

• One for the Team

  published August 2, 2007

  For 20 years, Craig Biggio has manned second base for the Houston Astros -- the longest such stint in the majors. So the club was seen as... More >>

• Wind Beats Rocks

  published July 26, 2007

  By their meager standards, the Colorado Rockies are having a decent year in the toughest division in baseball, but to this point in the... More >>

• Vicious Cube

  published July 26, 2007

  Psycho Sid Vicious is the sort of case wrestling fans will point to if you insist to them that wrestling isn’t real; it may be scripted,... More >>

• Attend a Streetball Tour

  published July 19, 2007

  Streetball tour remains the hoops version of reality TV – the appeal is in wondering how you would fare out there – and a decade after... More >>