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2007 Stories by Sam Eifling

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  • Bottling Boozer

    published December 20, 2007

    Since the NBA’s then-New Orleans team moved to Salt Lake City in 1979, the Utah Jazz has been the most oxymoronic team name in... More >>

  • Hungry Like T-Wolves

    published December 13, 2007

    While the Heat contends for the Worst Record in the Eastern Conference title, Miami can take solace in the knowledge that the Minnesota... More >>

  • Calling All Wenches

    published November 29, 2007

    Are you pale, malnourished, and gap-toothed? Can you mimic a generic English accent, or hike your ham-sized mammies up in a corset? Do you strum a... More >>

  • Garnett in Green

    published November 29, 2007

    It was fun there for about 15 years, wondering when the Celtics were going to come out of their tailspin. They tried everything, from... More >>

  • Riled

    published November 22, 2007

    Shortly after the point at which the Miami Heat honed losing into a true art – that would be with a second loss in the young season to... More >>

  • Good at Being Bad

    published November 15, 2007

    Not that anyone is counting, but after the Heat’s third loss to open this season – a jumbled, too-little-too-late two-point loss... More >>

  • K-Dur?

    published November 8, 2007

    Kevin Durant is built like the answer to some Sphinx’s riddle: What has the offensive skills of a Michael Jordan, the... More >>

  • Preseasoning

    published November 1, 2007

    Heat fans, beware: The loser talk has already begun. After Miami closed out its seven-game preseason slate with a seventh loss, this by 17... More >>

  • Reading Miranda

    published October 25, 2007

    A boxer without a story may as well be a horse. A man’s history inspires empathy in others; with empathy, we taste the bitterness of the... More >>

  • It’s Tony Parker’s World

    published October 18, 2007

    The NBA announced recently that Dwyane Wade’s jersey is its top-seller in Europe, which, considering how many European players are spotting... More >>

  • Penny for Your Backcourt?

    published October 4, 2007

    Looking at the past three months for the Heat, it’s hard to tell whether the team took the off-season off or merely had an off... More >>

  • What Is in a Name

    published September 20, 2007

    Just when you want to break up with the Panthers altogether, the team goes out and picks a player with a Dickensian name like Keaton... More >>

  • Indie in Name Only

    published September 13, 2007

    They’re still calling their music “indie” rock, even though the four former New York University retro-hipsters who together form... More >>

  • Mixed and Matched

    published September 6, 2007

    Time was, this stuff was known generically as ultimate fighting, and it looked like a cross between boxing and a bar brawl. The main difference... More >>

  • Phalling Phast

    published August 30, 2007

    At this point in the season, fans of bad teams cite tiny gifts as solace for a year gone to spore. For instance, when the Marlins recently... More >>

  • Braves’ New World

    published August 23, 2007

    It was kind of cute when the Braves went all-in to bring hard-swinging righty Mark Teixeira to Atlanta before the trading deadline, only to... More >>

  • Surly You Jest

    published August 23, 2007

    That frisson of terror you feel when you see clowns has a fancy name: coulrophobia. Perhaps it stems from meeting a drunken clown as a child, or... More >>

  • Snakebitten

    published August 9, 2007

    The Arizona Diamondbacks specialize in winning close games and losing blowouts. Near the bottom of the National League in most batting... More >>

  • One for the Team

    published August 2, 2007

    For 20 years, Craig Biggio has manned second base for the Houston Astros -- the longest such stint in the majors. So the club was seen as... More >>

  • Wind Beats Rocks

    published July 26, 2007

    By their meager standards, the Colorado Rockies are having a decent year in the toughest division in baseball, but to this point in the... More >>

  • Vicious Cube

    published July 26, 2007

    Psycho Sid Vicious is the sort of case wrestling fans will point to if you insist to them that wrestling isn’t real; it may be scripted,... More >>

  • Attend a Streetball Tour

    published July 19, 2007

    Streetball tour remains the hoops version of reality TV – the appeal is in wondering how you would fare out there – and a decade after... More >>

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