Best Of :: Sports & Recreation
Getting stoned inside your own home or a friend's is not only boring; it's un-American. What's a chronicface to do? Waiting for the next show at the Cruzan is time-consuming and inconvenient. And how many Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon laser light shows can one person take in a lifetime? We need to take things outside, under the canopy of an entrancing South Florida summer sky. What better way to get ripped than by being in the wilds around Alligator Alley? Head up the I-75 to Naples at night, wait for the lights of the city to dim in the horizon behind you, pull over, and proceed to get yourself toasted. There isn't a clearer view of the stars and constellations than on this road, which means you can contemplate the vastness of the universe while theorizing about how we're all just, like, a speck of dirt in the fingernail of a massive deity, man. Steer clear of rest stops (for obvious "Fuzz" reasons), and make sure to completely come down from floating before you head back home. And if you should spot a rare Florida panther out there, count that as a bonus. Just don't attempt to high-five it or anything. Getting Chonged responsibly is always the name of the game.
He was supposed to be a choker. A guy who shrank in the big moments. LeBrick. And after roughly 1 billion articles disparaging him after the Heat lost in the NBA Finals in 2011 to the Dallas Mavericks, it was apparent that the "LeBron James will never be Michael Jordan" argument was once again imminent. Then the 2012 NBA Playoffs happened. And LeBron showed the world that he had the coal-fired nuts to carry a team into the finals and obliterate all haters' hopes and dreams of watching him disintegrate into a fine powder. LeBron was an absolute freight train of devastation with his athletic prowess, littering the court with the decaying corpses of the Knicks, Celtics, and Thunder, telling any and all who doubted him, mocked him, and otherwise said ridiculous things about him to go and fornicate with farm animals. With a primal intensity usually reserved for professional assassins, LeBron came through with what was possibly the single greatest one-man performance ever witnessed in NBA Playoff history. He has carried those powers into the 2013 season, where he just won a fourth MVP award, which is something Michael Jordan never did. Grace and violence. Beauty and devastation. Poetry and triumph. LeBron James is a walking epic poem.
Red from The Shawshank Redemption was obviously a Miami Dolphins fan. When Andy Dufresne tells him that, no matter how bleak things get, despair can never touch the hope that resides in us all, the frustrated Red replies, "Hope is a dangerous thing." And maybe that's because, as a Dolphins fan, Red has tried to believe that the new hotshot quarterback is the heir apparent to Dan Marino. Since Number 13 retired, the Fins have plowed through no fewer than 12 signal callers, all of whom fizzled out and got thrown back into the fetid garbage heap of failure. But now there's Ryan Tannehill, Miami's 2012 first-round draft pick, who has taken up the hope mantle and will try to bring that elusive thing called "winning" to a disillusioned fan base. In his rookie season, Tannehill threw for 3,294 yards — that's more than Marino threw in his rookie year. Tannehill also chucked 12 TDs and finished the season with a respectable 58.3 completion percentage. More important, he's shown he possesses the moxie and badassitude we haven't seen since Marino roamed the field and annihilated NFL defenses. The Dolphins have now armed themselves with new weapons, such as receiver Mike Wallace and tight end Dustin Keller. So Red, Dolphins fans can leave their worries behind. Ryan Tannehill is the hope Andy Dufresne was talking about.
Let's face it: There's not much to get excited about from the Miami Marlins this year. The good news from the Marlins penchant for trading their best players away for no-names is that they also got to replace the train wreck known as Heath Bell at closer. With Bell shipped off to Arizona, the closer's role opened up for 26-year-old Steve Cishek, who came into the role with guns blazing. Drafted by the Marlins in 2007, Cishek was a skinny kid whose fastball topped off at just 82 mph. But thanks to a growth spurt and some seasoning through college, Cishek now breaks the radar gun at 95 mph with a nasty fastball that gives opposing hitters the hives. Stepping in as the closer late in 2012, Cishek proved that Marlins fans need not worry about at least one position. The six-foot-six gangly heat thrower converted 13 of 14 save opportunities over the season's final three months, allowing opposing batters to hit a paltry .183 average with runners in scoring position during that time. Cishek was also the lone bright spot for the monumentally disappointing Team USA during this year's World Baseball Classic. So playing with a losing team and having success should be nothing new to him. The Marlins have plenty of problems going forward, but the closer ain't one. That is, of course, until they decide to trade Cishek for another crop of no-names.
The Florida Panthers have been an absolute mess. Injuries, bad breaks, and poor play have made the most irrelevant of all local pro teams fade even deeper into the ether. However, if there were ever a reason to start paying attention to the Cats and start readying that bandwagon, it's their goal-scoring, point-amassing, defense-obliterating rookie sensation Jonathan Huberdeau. The Panthers selected Huberdeau third overall in the 2011 NHL draft (one of the benefits of being consistently stinky!), and the results have been pretty consistently kick-ass from the word "go." In his first year with the minor-league Sea Dogs, Huberdeau scored 15 goals and added 20 assists for 35 points in 61 games. In 2011, he led all scorers at the Memorial Cup (the Canadian junior-league championship), signaling he was more than ready to throw down with the big boys. Huberdeau is a virtuoso with a hockey stick in his hands. He can finesse a pinpoint-accurate pass one minute and turn a puck into a lethal heat-seeking missile that annihilates hockey nets the next. In his first pro season with a depleted Panthers team, Huberdeau has been a star. He leads all NHL rookies in points and is a virtual shoo-in for the Calder Trophy, the award given to the league's best rookie. The Panthers are still stuck in the muck of mediocrity. But their future is certainly bright with Jonathan Huberdeau setting fire to the NHL ice with his awesomeness.
Florida Atlantic University baseball finished atop the Sun Belt Conference in 2012, and if the major baseball analysts and experts from Baseball America and Perfect Game USA are to be believed, the Owls are poised to repeat that feat this year. Better yet, they have an excellent chance at hitting up the NCAA tournament, where they can test their mettle against the big boys. A huge part of their success comes from their six-foot-five, dart-throwing southpaw, Austin Gomber. Gomber started nine conference games in 2012 for the Owls, posting a 3.82 ERA and mowing down 63 batters in the process. He also led FAU to a three-game sweep against rival Florida International University when he pitched a six-inning, ten-strikeout gem against the Golden Panthers. This season, Gomber has led FAU back atop the standings, where he's enjoyed a stretch of retiring 14 consecutive batters while continuing his dominance over FIU with an eight-strikeout performance earlier in the season. FAU baseball is ready to make some noise and wreck some butts in the NCAA baseball landscape, and Gomber will be leading the way with his flamethrower arm.