All right. Here's what you can't do. You can't double-dip. You can't scoot it closer to you. The bowl has to stay equidistant from all dippers. You can't mix salsa into it. You can't use more than 60 percent of the chip to dip. You can't talk about how it's not as good as the kind you make. We've tasted yours. This is better. You can't dip more than once while I'm in the bathroom. You can't refuse to pay for it if you've had more than 10 percent. You can't waste chips; they are a precious resource. You can't dip twice unless at least one other person has dipped in between your dips. You can't take the last bit without the table's consent. And you can't complain about how full you are if you're still eating. You can, however, enjoy it. Because guacamole is perhaps the best thing that has ever happened to your mouth.

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