Best Place To Break Up - 2000
Queen of Heaven Cemetery
Love, sex, and death. So you're gonna drop the bastard, eh? You're gonna, what, tell a good woman it's not really her, it's you, you're the problem, so don't worry while you just tear her heart out? You're gonna let him know -- you feel suffocated. He's a great guy, he has changed the landscape of your heart. (Remember that line, "the landscape of your heart.") But no way, José. Now the question becomes simple. Where to do it? You do not want any place that suggests the landscape of a heart or that suggests hope. You want just the opposite. A cemetery, obviously. After all, this is what breaking up is all about. It's about dying. And being reborn. What better place than a Catholic cemetery? Those Catholics are really into death and resurrection. So we recommend taking your soon-to-be ex to Queen of Heaven, which provides 100 acres to walk around while you deliver the message. And if you're dropping a real SOB, if you really want to bury somebody who treated you badly, you can do it there, too. For $1300 a plot.