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Got some biscuits?
Got some biscuits?
Robert Kazandjian

Almighty Bruce

Bruce Bruce is a funny man, so big that one "Bruce" just isn't enough. If you don't believe this, check him out in his role as the Popeye's chicken spokesman via Internet (or "the Internets," if you're Dubya) at Wearing a purple suit, the man resembles Violet Beauregard in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory -- that is, after she chews the three-course meal of gum and turns into a big blueberry. Except B2 sports an afro.

Bruce Bruce has been a staple in Black Entertainment Television's comedy diet for years. He spent the 1990s breaking out on Showtime at the Apollo, appearing on HBO's Def Comedy Jam, and making the comedy-club rounds. He has, of course, hit Comedy Central and has also shown up in music videos (with Ludacris and Outkast) and in television and movies (most recently in the Ice Cube flick XXX: State of the Union). See a really funny clip about the difference between white porn and black porn at For a fat man, he thrusts pretty well.

It's not nice to make fun of someone's weight, but fat male comedians -- like John Candy and Chris Farrell -- seem to equal funny, even if they may be laughing on the outside while crying on the inside. You'd think, though, that some Madison Avenue marketing analysis would have already speculated that a fat man shilling for fried chicken might just be sending negative messages about healthy eating. But then again, Popeyes is thankfully no Subway, and Bruce Bruce is the anti-Jared, with the message of we're here, we're fat, that's just the way it is, so get used to it... and add another biscuit to my order while you're at it.

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