A scruffy bald man chain-smoking. Booze. Swearing. A bespectacled man ranting, sweating. Veins and eyes bulging. Jokes about midgets, homosexuality, George W., and IHOP. Ladies and germs, it's Dave Attell and Lewis Black, and they're spewing a path of expletives out of the windows of their minivan on the Comedy Central Live Tour. Oh, to be trapped in the backseat with those two. The weight of this much pent-up frustration and sardonic wit barreling into the Sunshine State might just cause it to fall into the ocean -- hilariously into the ocean -- and it couldn't come courtesy of better guys. Attell and Black employ different styles of comedy, both striving for the same result -- to spotlight the overwhelming stupidity of the average American. On Attell's Comedy Central show Insomniac, he lives out every drunk's dream and prowls a different city each week, plucking the absurd and insane out of the cultural stew, assaulting patrons with questions like "Who here has had sex with a midget?," and peppering his sets with tasty nuggets of brilliance ("Sparklers are like fireworks' gay cousin"). Black, on the other hand, is the Felix Unger to Attell's Oscar Madison. His latest CD, The Rules of Enragement, starts off with three, count 'em, three rants about the weather in Minnesota before edging into commentary on greed, the American government, and why Ireland has no health clubs. And if this double dose of slightly unhinged humor isn't enough, Mitch Hedberg opens. The show starts at 8 p.m. at the Jackie Gleason Theatre, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $29.50 to $37.50. Call 305-673-7300. -- Audra Schroeder
Something About Mary
A few years ago, someone had the brilliant idea of trying to reunite the three remaining members of Motown's legendary ego-embattled girl group, the Supremes. Naturally, a fight ensued over who gets paid more, with Diana Ross as the grand prize winner and Supremes cofounder Mary Wilson again left out of the limelight.
Ross' recent performances have been limited to driving drunk in Arizona and fondling breasts at the MTV Video Music Awards, so it is now Wilson's turn to take center stage as Queen Supreme at the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts (701 Okeechobee Blvd., West Palm Beach).The Supremes starring Mary Wilson go on after an opening performance by the Spinners at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $25 to $85. Call 561-832-7469. -- Jason Budjinski
A Suite Performance
Community theater goes Broadway
The Community Theatre of Davie opens London Suite, a Neil Simon play, at the Pine Island Multipurpose Center (3801 S. Pine Island Rd., Davie).
"We just felt it would be a good show to perform because everyone likes Neil Simon," says Fern Katz, treasurer of the Community Theater and an actor in the play. "The stories include a cautionary tale of daylight robbery and deceit. There is a mother's unforgettable romantic interlude and the reunion of an estranged couple. And there are the funny antics of the guest who lost his Wimbledon tickets."
All told, London Suite relates four stories, all taking place in the same suite of a London hotel. It borrows the same plot device of earlier Simon plays such as Plaza Suite and California Suite, combining drama with comedy laced with Simon's wit and sharp dialogue.
Evening performances start at 8 p.m., while Sunday matinees begin at 2 p.m. Admission is $10 in advance and $12 at the door. Call 954-797-1163. -- Dan Sweeney
Honky Tonk Men
Cowboy Up with country's wild cards
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Not long ago (say, eight or nine years), country/western music was happily strolling down a traditionalist path. Everybody wore a cowboy hat, sang mushy ballads, and had a fiddle in the band. But with the rise of the Shania Twain brand of country-pop and the equally genre-bending assault of alt-country rockers, suddenly them spurs weren't in vogue. The down-home singers, who had been selling out state fairs across the country, found themselves holding out those ten-gallons for a gig. When performers find themselves in such predicaments, the tendency is to band together -- four or five hair-metal bands doing a tour together is a fine example. And for the country stars whose light has dimmed somewhat, the answer is no different. Which gives us the "Honky Tonk Tailgate Party" at Markham Park (16001 W. State Rd. 84, Sunrise). The concert Saturday features a heapin' pile of folks who enjoyed one- or two-hit-wonder status in the New Traditionalist heyday of the mid-1990s -- Chad Brock, Daryle Singletary, Jeff Carson, and Rhett Atkins. New Zealander Keith Urban, wannabe outlaw Travis Tritt, and country legend Charlie Daniels round out the lineup. Tickets cost $22 to $26. Call 954-389-2000. -- Dan Sweeney
Circle Gets the Square
Did you know that A Perfect Circle front man Maynard James Keenan got his start in comedy in the late '80s, before he was in Tool? Well, you wouldn't know it by the music APC delivers. Its debut album, Mer de Noms, focused heavily on the themes of birth and death, and the new album, Thirteenth Step, picks up where the last album left off -- with more songs about birth and death. James Iha of Smashing Pumpkins and ex-Marilyn Manson bassist Jeordie White (a.k.a. Twiggy Ramirez) round out the new lineup. Check them out with the Icarus Line at the Pompano Beach Amphitheatre (1801 NE Sixth St., Pompano Beach) and see what hairdo Maynard's sporting these days. Show starts at 8 p.m. Call 954-946-2402. -- Audra Schroeder