It's scary to face Dontrelle Willis at the plate; you're likely to get mowed over by the D-Train. When the ace doesn't have a fastball in his hand, however, he's as harmless as Randy Johnson (this year, anyway). Get up close and personal with Willis and a slew of other sports hotshots when The Best Damn Sports Show Period tapes poolside at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (1 Seminole Way, Hollywood). Hosts Chris Rose, John Salley, Rodney Peete, and Rob Dribble will control the chitchat; babealicious talking heads Leeann Tweeden (who went steady with Josh Beckett until she told the whole world that they'd joined the mile-high club) and Lisa Dergan (a former Playboy playmate) will jump into the conversation too. If you'd like to be part of the studio audience (for free!), hustle down to the pool well before 12:30 p.m., when taping starts. It lasts until 2:30. Today's guests include Willis and Billy the Marlin, plus football players Willis McGahee (Buffalo Bills/University of Miami alum), Clinton Portis (Washington Redskins/UM alum), and Bryant McKinnie (Minnesota Vikings/UM alum). The show tapes again at 12:30 p.m. Friday, featuring NFL rookies and the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders as guests. (DF)
Here's a quick prophecy: Tonight you will bust a gut at the New York Comedy Club (8221 Glades Rd., Boca Raton). Why? Because standup comic Alan Prophet's stopping by, and he's bringing Tim Pulnik along for good measure. Though Prophet spends a lot of time performing in country clubs (money is money, you know), he did his share of time cutting his teeth at the legendary Comedy Store in West Hollywood, California, and hooked up with Steve Martin for a couple of comedy specials. Pulnik's highly enthused act has landed him at the Boston Comedy Festival as well as in indie films like Campaigner. It's up to the audience to decide whether Pulnik is just joking when he asks, "If you could wipe out Visa and you got caught, who would convict you?" (Get it? Everyone's in debt.) Prophet and Pulnik perform tonight and Saturday. Tickets cost $12. Call 561-470-6887, or visit www.nyccboca.com. (JB)
So your cable company finally realized it screwed up and gave you free Showtime by mistake. Time to say bye to the naked lesbians on The L Word. But when it comes to the network's other bastion of Babylonian homoeroticism -- Queer as Folk -- you'll be getting more than any mere TV screen can provide at tonight's Queer As Folk: Ancient Babylon Tour at the Coliseum Nightclub (2520 S. Miami Rd., Fort Lauderdale). Aside from the modern sounds of DJ Manny Lehman, the club is sent back in time to 200 B.C., decorated in the spirit of ancient Babylon (just like the club you used to see on TV). So unplug your telly, find some light clothing (really light), and get ready for a night of serious Babel-rousing. Tickets cost $20 to $25. The all-night party lasts from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. Call 954-832-0100, or visit www.coliseumnightclub.com. (JB)
Tonight, Club Sin and Bahama Joe's put the school back in old school as they open their doors and let partiers flow between the two clubs for the North Shore and Twin Lakes Old School Reunion Party. If you remember the days when Twin Lakes High School stood where multimillion-dollar condos now sit, then you probably also remember artists like 2 Live Crew, Gigolo Tony, M.C. Shy, Prince Rahiem, Anquette, and Gucci Crew -- all of whom are invited guests. The clubs are located at 313 Clematis St., West Palm Beach, and doors open at 10 p.m. Call 561-790-3525, or visit www.561hiphop.com. (DF)
Bless every local municipality from here to Walla Walla, Washington. for bringing out fireworks and bounce houses today. Then give serious props to Miami for adding entertainment we really, really, really want to see. (With all due respect to acts like Paul Revere and the Raiders...) In conjunction with Power 96 and Salsa 98.3, Miami turned what could have been a predictable Independence Day celebration into a par-tay! It's lined up Akon ("Mr. Lonely" himself), Pitbull (who's flying juuuuust under the radar of the FCC by rapping about asses in Spanish), and Pretty Ricky (four brothers from Miami -- Pleasure, Slick 'Em, Baby Blue, and Spectacular -- who wear glittery head-to-toe outfits and sing "Grind with Me"). The street theater troupe Urban Disturbance will roam around performing musical skits, improv sketches, silent plays, and pantomimes. The party lasts from 4 to 9 p.m. at Bayfront Park (301 N. Biscayne Blvd., Miami). Call 305-358-7550, or visit www.bayfrontparkmiami.com. (DF)
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It started out as a way to identify underaged kids at punk shows. But when those kids got fed up with the drunken boneheads at said shows, the blue X's on their hands took on a whole new meaning -- straight edge. What grew out of the early '80s Washington, D.C., hardcore scene has lasted for more than two decades. Carrying on the tradition are hardcore bands like Mental and Justice. Hailing from separate sides of the Atlantic (Boston and Belgium, respectively), the two bands have learned to keep it more positive than some of their more hard-line predecessors; the preaching is kept to a minimum. Justice is served at 10 tonight at Club M (2037 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood). Opening are Lights Out, DNME, Said and Done, Lion of Judah, and 24 Hours to Live. Admission costs $8, including a drink. And yes, it can be a Coke. Call 954-925-8396. (JB)
In public schools, "The whole fine-arts scenario is so badly underserved," says Jeannette Parssi, founder and director of ArtStart. Parssi's children receive only 30 minutes of arts instruction in school -- and that's only once every seventh school day. Since schoolchildren can't paint, draw, and otherwise stretch their brains during class time, Parssi's organization brings visual arts, theater, dance, music, and creative-writing programs to their after-care centers. Of course, this requires some money. Today from 6 to 8 p.m., superchic restaurant Amici Ristorante & Bar (375 S. County Rd., Palm Beach) is donating space for a fundraiser -- Celebrity Bartender Night. Author Joella Cain, artists Bruce Helander and Norm Gitzen, musician Rod MacDonald, and radio personality Tom Cannon (WRLX-FM, 92. 1) will serve cocktails and donate their tips to the charity. Call 561-635-2037. (DF)