Luckily for the Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders, they'll compete only in tame sports like volleyball and tug-of-war today. If the Battle on the Beach were more of a Fear Factor-style throwdown, the lovely ladies would be in trouble. "Worms terrify me," says Janipher, one of the squad's 38 pom-pommers. "I am very afraid of dogs!" Ashley admits. Poor Krystle is "afraid of deer." Don't underestimate their toughness, though -- these girls fend off spinal injury with triple backflips, and they boldly greet 20-degree weather with their midriffs exposed. This week, though, Sonya (who's "happiest when it is warm outside") and the rest of her crew visit Delray Beach (A1A and Atlantic Avenue) for the Eagles' annual calendar shoot. Having wrapped photography yesterday, the ladies are decidedly not afraid of taking on the Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders, the Tampa Bay Buccaneer Cheerleaders, and the Delray Beach firefighters and paramedics for some friendly beachfront games at 4 p.m., followed by an evening cheer performance. Watch for free, and pray that no mosquitoes come -- Dolphins cheerleader Brenda can't stand them! Call 561-274-4663. (DF)
Saturday's Collapsing Lungs reunion show at the Music Factory is only half of this weekend's hardcore history lesson. The other half is tonight's Red State Riot show at Alligator Alley (1321 E. Commercial Blvd., Oakland Park). Led by former Collapsing Lungs/Radiobaghdad guitar player Pete Gross, the Palm Beach County-based trio offers a blistering response to our nation's current Red Scare ('cause scaring us is what Republicans do best). Though the band has been around for a short time, it has already shared the stage with well-known politico-punkers Total Chaos -- quite a gig for a new band. Oh, and rumor has it that the Riot's drummer is Dean Vincent, formerly of the notoriously offensive Method of Destruction. But that doesn't mean you'll hear covers of "Spandex Enormity" or "Bubble Butt." The riot begins at 9 p.m. with Skunk Ape and the Snatch Addicts. Call 954-771-2220, or visit www.alligatoralleyflorida.com. (JB)
Nowadays, having Last Comic Standing listed on your comedic résumé is as standard as including Premium Blend. But when VH1 invites you to mimic Paula Jones on its cheeky special Totally Bad Hair, you know you're impressing more than just a few casual viewers. For up-and-coming comic Jessica Kirson, those are only a few of her performance highlights. The jaunty Kirson is clever and animated, hashing out character after character, such as her friend with facial hair ("Grow it out! You'll get a much better job!"), a mouthy ice cream shop customer (imagine Queen Latifa on steroids), and her mother (the old Margaret Cho trick). Kirson performs Thursday and Saturday at the New York Comedy Club (8221 Glades Rd., Boca Raton). Tickets cost $12. Call 561-470-6887, or visit www.newyorkcomedyclub.com. (JB)
The elusive g-spot -- the human body's much-debated hidden treasure, that extra-special place of sensuality. But just where is it, and how do we find it? Well, we can't help you with your own body (sorry, no can do), but we can tell you where Broward County's g-spot is -- at Joseph's Landing (5900 NW 24th Way, Fort Lauderdale), which hosts tonight's G-Spot Rebirth party. The posh, two-story venue brings a touch of Deco Drive to Fort Lauderdale, filling the halls with nonstop reggae, hip-hop, and that latest club favorite, reggaeton (yep, there's that Yankee Daddy song again). Style is the key here, so you'd better look sharp. That means putting away the Marlins cap and Adidas and busting out the dress pants. The party starts at 10 p.m. Call 754-422-3799. (JB)
The next time you think that starving yourself is the best way to fit into a smaller pair of jeans, meditate on this: Siddhartha Gautama spent six years nearly starving himself to death, not in the name of looking good in a Speedo but to achieve enlightenment. Well, on this day, many centuries ago, Gautama found what he was looking for; he was born again as the first Buddha. And you know what? He realized that all that starvation wasn't necessary. Keeping things in moderation, Gautama said, would have sufficed. So who are you to argue with Buddha? Relax and enjoy yourself in small doses at today's Saka Dawa Festival at the Tubten Kunga Center (665 SE 10th St., Ste. 202, Deerfield Beach). The event, which celebrates Buddha's day of enlightenment, is an exercise in temperance. Bring your own food, and show up at 7:30 p.m. Call 954-421-6224, or visit www.tubtenkunga.org. (JB)
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These days, watching the Florida Marlins is like lying in a dandelion-filled meadow, watching butterflies flit from flower to flower. A warm, peaceful sensation flows through our veins when cutie-pie Miguel Cabrera trots around the bases. Our sense of wonderment blossoms when Dontrelle Willis mows down batters like only the D-Train can. Our pulse quickens when Billy the Marlin shakes his tailfin during the seventh-inning stretch. Could it be... love? The Florida Marlins give the Philadelphia Phillies the pleasure of their company at 7:05 p.m. at Dolphins Stadium (2269 NW 199th St., Miami). The teams also play Monday and Wednesday. (DF)
Hmm... drinking... disguised as charity work. As far as ideas go, it's one of the better ones we've heard. Tonight, join the Young Professionals for Covenant House during a cocktail mixer at Tequila Ranch (5760 Seminole Way, Hollywood). The shindig lasts from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m., and $15 gets you some eats like chips and salsa and salads, plus two drink tickets, while the cash goes toward helping runaways and troubled kids. "Of course," says the invite, "no visit to Tequila Ranch would be complete without a spin on the restaurant's mechanical bull, and guests are welcome to saddle up for a try." Have fun writing this one off on your taxes! Call 954-568-7901, or visit www.youngpros.net. (DF)