With a name like Killer Beaz, you'd expect some kind of rap-metal band hoping to earn street cred through misspelling (incidentally, using three z's is the correct way to do it). But not this Killer Beaz, which consists of only one man -- one whose street cred exists mainly on dirt roads. Yep, this guy's so Southern, he makes Jeff Foxworthy look like Jerry Seinfeld. Just check out some of the bits on his CD, Shaken Not Stirred. In "Sound Effect," Beaz shares his Michael Winslow-styled noise-making, which he interprets as "Flipper cuttin' one" (and follows up with a quick "pull my fin" for good measure). Or how about his theory on the inventor of the vasectomy? "Some PMS-in', old-maid bitch doctor on a Judge Judy, heavy-flow day." The man born Truett S. Beasley Jr. performs tonight through Sunday at the Hollywood Improv at Paradise Live (5700 Seminole Way, Hollywood). Tickets cost $21.30. Call 954-981-5653. (JB)
Everybody with a Wal-Mart diamond and a hundred-dollar bill thinks he's a baller these days. Like rapper Lil' Troy: "Wanna be a baller, shot caller, 20- inch blades on the Impala, a caller gettin' laid tonight..." At www.urbandictionary.com, you will see that the term means "a person with their shit together, almost always holding the pure and thick-ass wad of cash." (Usage: "Damn!!! My wife run off with the baller!") But the word originally referred to basketball players who rose out of the streets and made millions in the NBA. This spring, the next generation of genuine ballers is coming up through the NCAA basketball tournament. We're in the midst of March Madness, and this weekend, 64 teams will be whittled down to 16. Since you're not a baller yet, you probably don't have the $150 for tickets to games in Nashville, Oklahoma City, Charlotte, and Worcester, Massachusetts -- nor the jet plane to get ya there. But you can hop in your hooptie and watch hoops at the Park Sports Club at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (5763 Seminole Way, Hollywood), where games will be shown on 150 TV screens and you can be served in a luxury skybox. Call 954-556-7450, or visit www.theparksportsclub.com. (DF)
A lipstick lesbian tells jokes from the stage of an art gallery as a throng of titillated viewers browse through an erotic photo exhibit. Meanwhile, a theater group goes over its lines and dancers get into costume -- and all are happy they got their copies of Sex Camp signed by the author, Brian McNaught, who sits at a nearby table. Gee, that all sounds like some art gathering -- hell, more like an explosion. Indeed, the annual Art Explosion takes place today at ArtServe (1350 E. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale), a wall-to-wall collection of painters, sculptors, photographers, poets, authors, dancers, comics, actors, singers, and loads of curious onlookers. Organized by ArtsUnited, the event is held to showcase the talents of the local gay and lesbian community. The cost of admission is a $5 donation to ArtsUnited. The event runs from 6 to 9 p.m.; the artwork is on display through April 15. Call 954-530-2723, or visit www.artsunitedonline.org. (JB)
You know the Robot, the Shopping Cart, and the Electric Slide. So what are you waiting for? Get on over to Florida Atlantic University (777 Glades Rd., Boca Raton) for the Dance Marathon, where volunteers are boogeying all day and night... and we do mean all day and night... like, for 16 hours! Organizers tell us that Dance Marathon is the largest student-run philanthropy in the country and that it raises millions of dollars to help kids suffering from cancer, diabetes, and other illnesses. Proceeds go toward the Children's Miracle Network and Shands Hospital in Gainesville. If your Robot is needed in South Beach tonight, then at least donate online at www.fauvolunteer.org. Call 561-297-2084. (DF)
Before Bon Jovi gave love -- and New Jersey -- a bad name, the sands of Asbury Park were ruled by Bruce Springsteen, and before him, a character named Southside Johnny. Hair was big, jeans were tight, and everybody was making out on Ferris wheels on the boardwalk. At 7 tonight and Tuesday, DJ Jerry Blavat -- a Jersey radio fixture -- spins until Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes take over the stage at the Beach Club at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (1 Seminole Way, Hollywood). As part of the venue's "Jersey Shore Week," which continues through next Tuesday, cheese steaks and pretzels will be for sale. Don't forget the comb for your back pocket! Tickets cost $20. Call 954-523-3309, or visit www.ticketmaster.com. (DF)
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Just as the punk and hardcore scenes had their crossover bands in the early '80s, the end of that decade brought a new breed of kids schooled in the social realism of hardcore, yet darker and more death-obsessed. From this musical lineage comes Cursed, a crew of carnage-hungry Canadians too metallic to be called hardcore but too smart for the hack-up-your-neighbor-for-no-reason crowd. Their anger is focused, having more to do with societal illness than mental illness; it's more about the mosh pit than the graveyard (think Discharge, Neurosis). But Cursed tunes its guitars down -- like, somewhere in the bowels of hell. It should be noted that this Cursed is nothing like the goth band of the same name. Though, it would be funny to see the reaction of a few befuddled goths. The horror! Cursed performs with Trust No One, Message in Blood, Dead Lions, and Shitstorm tonight at Club M (2037 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood). The free show starts at
10 p.m. Call 954-925-8396. (JB)
Release your inner slut without having to put out during the 8minuteDating event at Blue Martini (CityPlace, 550 S. Rosemary Ave., West Palm Beach). Here, you'll go on eight separate eight-minute dates, plus mingle with everyone else in the room, even if you don't get paired with them for a little table conversation. Oh, puh-leeze -- are you gonna whine, "I don't know -- I might look kind of desperate!?!" Well, so are the scores of other young professionals. Get over it! Honestly, it's hard to meet people these days, and here, the field is at least narrowed to a bunch of 25- to 35-year-olds who are looking for luuurve. But, hey, if you're scared of real human interaction and you'd rather spend another night at home alone browsing your Internet porn collection and stalking all your friends' friends on Friendster, then that's cool too. Sure it is. Read success stories and sign up at www.8minutedating.com (enter code number 8mdwestpalm for $8 off the $35 price), or call 954-309-9870. (DF)