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The School of Rock is all about metal shop, dude.
The School of Rock is all about metal shop, dude.

This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

THU 17

Donald Lee is a tight end for the Miami Dolphins. And if you think the six-foot, three-inch 24-year-old has a tight end, then bid on a date with him during the Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction benefiting the Reach for the Stars Foundation, which helps people who suffer from cystic fibrosis. Y-100's Donnie Michaels serves as event emcee, and Miami Dolphins quarterback Jay Fiedler will be in attendance but is not for rent (sorry, ladies!). The wallet wars go down at Sloppy Joe's (17 S. Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd., Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost $25 in advance, $30 at the door, and include two Ketel One vodka drinks and appetizers. It starts at 7 p.m. Call 305-865-5588, or visit (DF)

FRI 18

When you go on the Jungle Cruise at Disney World and pass a bunch of natives dancing on the shore, the tour boat operator says, "These natives seem to be celebrating something. Let me see if I can translate for you." He cups his hand to his ear. "You put your... left foot... in. You put your... left foot... out. Hey -- sounds like a bunch of hokey-pokey to me!" But when a team of scientists and documentarians took to the real Nile River with IMAX cameras for 114 days, their trip was pretty devoid of hokey-pokey. Instead, along the river's 3,260 miles, they found the world's most dangerous rapids, armed bandits, hungry crocodiles, and blinding sandstorms! Oh, sure, they also got to see hippos, explore exotic landscapes, and check out the pyramids. And now you can too -- without getting malaria! Check out Mystery of the Nile, which opens tonight at the IMAX theater at the Museum of Discovery and Science (401 SW Second St., Fort Lauderdale). The film's star, Gordon Brown, will hang around for a special presentation and book signing after the film. Say to him, "If you're so smart, what do you call the small rivers that run into the Nile?" (The juve-niles!). Call 954-713-0930, or visit (DF)

SAT 19

Somewhere in America's teenage wasteland, on the road between the conformity of marching band practice and the scissor-kicking independence of the bedroom, lies the Paul Green School of Rock. You may ask which came first, the actual music school in Pennsylvania or the 2003 Jack Black movie of the same name? At this point the question is moot, says Green, who started teaching the rock 'n' roll canon to kids in 1998 and did in fact inspire the film. "I was mad until the New York Times called," he says. Green has sent hundreds of Pennsylvania kids onto their first stage, in front of their first audience, for their first ass-kicking rock show. Branches of his school recently opened in Philly, New York, San Francisco, and Salt Lake City. Satellites in Los Angeles and Las Vegas are set to open doors in September. "I would guess by September of the following year we'll be somewhere in Florida," Green warns. "Are there kids there who want to rock?" Green's students -- the School of Rock All-Stars -- play selections from Queen, Zeppelin, Devo, Pink Floyd, and more at 7:30 p.m. at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts (201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost $24.95. Call 954-462-0222. (Dave Amber)

SUN 20

It's hard to imagine that Alfred Stieglitz had to push hard to gain acceptance for artists who are now considered as safe as Hallmark cards. But in the early 20th Century, Stieglitz worked his ass off with fellow collector Duncan Phillips to promote four of the day's most radical artists: Arthur Dove, Georgia O'Keeffe, John Marin, and Marsden Hartley. The result of their pursuits led to the nation's first modern art museum, the Phillips Collection, and can be seen in the exhibit "The Stieglitz Circle at the Phillips Collection: In the American Grain" at the Norton Museum of Art (1451 S. Olive Ave., West Palm Beach). The collection largely consists of landscape and still-life paintings, albeit created with an air of impressionism (Hartley), abstraction (Dove), and sensuality (O'Keefe). It's not what we in a post-Mapplethorpe world would call cutting-edge. The exhibit opens this weekend and runs through May 8. Call 561-832-5196. (JB)

MON 21

It's ironic that someone as wholly Christian as California comic Nazareth has to deal with anti-Arab prejudice because of his Middle Eastern heritage. Or is it? Not when loonies like James Dobson carry on crusades against freakin' cartoon characters (SpongeBob SquarePants, you've been outed!). But such paranoia hasn't deterred Nazareth, who named his act Proud to Be an American. Having lived in Israel and Kuwait, Nazareth's perspective is that of someone who's seen far worse than red vs. blue. Nazareth's comedy reflects both his experiences as an immigrant and his values, which are Christian in name but far removed from the inbred ramblings of the Dobson sect. That means sea sponges are welcome. Nazareth performs at 8 p.m. tonight at the Palm Beach Improv (550 S. Rosemary Ave., Ste. 250, West Palm Beach). Tickets cost $10.65. Call 561-833-1812. (JB)

TUE 22

It's "A Gathering of Kuumba" (koo-OOM-bah), not a gathering of kum-ba-yah, so no, you won't be sitting by the campfire roasting marshmallows with a bunch of Girl Scouts. Kuumba is Swahili for creativity. The artists participating in this art exhibit, which opens today, gathered their kuumba from Haiti, Jupiter, New York, and Riviera Beach and stuffed it -- in the form of paintings, drawings, and mixed media -- into the Crest Theater Gallery at Old School Square (51 N. Swinton Ave., Delray Beach). Come tazama (look at it) between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. from today through March 28. Call 561-243-7922, or visit (DF)

WED 23

Fort Lauderdale, get ready for an earful -- a sonic kick in the nards, if you will. The Thick as Thieves Tour stops by tonight at Revolution (200 W. Broward Blvd., Fort Lauderdale), and it's perhaps the club's most brutal show to date. The tour is headlined by Orange County, California, mosh rockers Atreyu, whose latest disc The Curse is a scattered assortment of rock, metal, and (sadly) alternative. It's got some balls, but it doesn't rank up there with the less melody-friendly Scars of Tomorrow, which runs closer to the Hatebreed side of rock. Still more aggressive is Unearth. But the harshest sound comes from the band with the fruitiest name -- Norma Jean. Maybe it's compensation for sharing a name with the Grand Ole Opry star, but this Atlanta-based five-piece plays some seriously heavy shit. You've been warned. Tickets cost $15. Call 954-727-0950. (JB)


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