We offer you this bit of advice just in case you ever wind up playing Pictionary with a bunch of actors -- or maybe real-estate moguls who moonlight as actors. Do not, under any circumstances, get stuck on a team with Burt Reynolds. You will lose! We were just looking at the pictures that have been donated to the Celebrity Art Auction at ArtiGras, Jupiter's three-day outdoor fine art festival. We got to Reynolds' drawing, and we were like, what in the ham sandwich is it? A banyan tree growing in a pool of blood? We'll cut Reynolds a little slack and call him an abstractionist.
Courteney Cox, believe it or not, is probably the most talented actor contributing to the auction. Her sketch of a family of ducklings is realistically fleshed out, right down to the shadows. Robin Williams aims to uplift with his breezy Einstein Traveling at the Speed of Life, and Vanna White tries to say something about love with her doodle of six red hearts. Numerous celebrities, including Jennifer Lopez, have contributed autographed photos of themselves, and Donald Trump drew a picture of a skyline in -- what else? -- gold ink.
In addition to the celebrity works, ArtiGras features original pieces by 300 artists who were selected from a field of 1,000 applicants. Categories include watercolor, wood, photography, fiber, ceramics, multimedia, jewelry, and "backyard garden art." This year, the festival also features winetasting and a Culinary Creations demonstration, where celebrity chefs from area restaurants create food as art. In the ArtiKids area, creative young'uns can try pottery wheels, calligraphy, and kite-making or lie on their backs to paint like Michelangelo. Check out ArtiGras at Abacoa (Central Boulevard, Jupiter), Saturday through Monday. Admission costs $6 for age 12 and older. Visit www.artigras.org, or call 561-694-2300. -- Deidra Funcheon
Let's Talk About Sex
With a bunch of rabbis and priests
"Hey, John Paul! Take my ordainment and stick it up the tailpipe of your Popemobile!" That's what former Jesuit priest John J. McNeill said, more or less, when the Vatican ordered him to stop ministering to gays and lesbians because the practice did not jibe with the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. McNeill refused and was expelled from the Society of Jesus. No big deal. He's won plenty of other human rights awards for his work and even served as grand marshal of the New York City Gay Rights Parade. McNeill is one of the dozen or so accomplished panelists who speaks during "A Forum on Homosexuality and Religion" at Florida Atlantic University. Other notable panelists include Karen Doering, a staff attorney with Equality Florida and the National Center for Lesbian Rights; Rabbi Greg Kanter, an out gay rabbi who performs wedding ceremonies; and Bishop Ma-Hee, who founded the first place of worship for African-American lesbigaytran people in the Southeast. The forum is held in FAU's Performing Arts Auditorium (777 Glades Rd., Boca Raton) at 7 p.m. and is free. Call 561-638-3989. -- Deirdra Funcheon
Rauschenberg: genius or jokester?
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In 1953, Robert Rauschenberg took a drawing by abstract expressionist Willem de Kooning and spent three weeks erasing it. He explained that he had simply used a pencil eraser as an artist's tool. He called the new piece "a monochrome no-image." We call it "playing a big, fat joke on the whole precious art establishment." Rauschenberg's piece, Erased de Kooning, is now worth a few cool million in the world of art collectors. Suckers! But, as Andy Warhol put it, "Art is whatever you can get away with." Interestingly, a number of Rauschenberg's fans called him to say that they understood what he was doing with the painting and that they'd love to take some of de Kooning's paintings and burn them. We love Rauschenberg for his irreverence, as do lots of other people. Among them: Dennis Hopper, who narrates the film Robert Rauschenberg, Inventive Genius, which screens at the Boca Raton Museum of Art (501 Plaza Real, Boca Raton) at 2 p.m. Free with museum admission. Call 561-392-2500. -- Deirdra Funcheon
Alcohol = Liquid Love
It's the mother of all sappy holidays. Yes, you could intertwine arms, sip chilled pink champagne with your sweetheart, and stare into each other's eyes while Billy Ocean's "Caribbean Queen" plays in the background. (What? Like that song's not sexy?) Or you could sit at home downing a bag of Dove chocolates and cleaning up your cat's vomit. These are not the only options, of course. But let's forsake all that hackneyed lovey-dovey crap. Pour that $9 apple martini down your date's pants and head over to Kim's Alley Bar (1920 E. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale) to tie one on. Forget friggin' dollar drafts; ask them for a Jack and Jill -- a shot of Jack Daniels followed by a shot of root beer schnapps. Now, this combination does sound a bit scary and is not for the novice drinker. But once it hits your lips, it's so good. Try to get about five down the hatch in order to become adequately bitter and belligerent. Cheers, lahvaaahs! -- Audra Schroeder