As far as a way to meet your future spouse goes, this method falls somewhere between finding him/her through an escort service and meeting on an Internet message board where you talk about your N'Sync action-figure collections. Here, at least you'll get away from the seductive glow of your computer screen... and trade it for the seductive glow of the television. You and other pop culture-obsessed partygoers can console one another as you watch the last escapades of Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, and Ross during the Friendzy for Friends Finale at either Uncle Funny's Comedy Club (9160 State Rd. 84, Davie, 954-474-5653) or the World Famous Sports Cafe & Billiards (600 N. Congress Ave., Delray Beach, 561-829-0044). Admission costs $29 a person. Sure, you could stay home and put that dough toward your cable bill -- but would any hotties be on hand to tenderly wipe the tears off of your tight-fitting, low-cut tank top? We think not. Call 954-663-2759, or visit www.socialfusion.com.
FRI 7
Don't get confused and hustle the kids into the car. This event is produced by Abusement Park Entertainment, not Michael Eisner and Company. Although, as at Disney World, there are costumes (think black vinyl), props (handcuffs), entertainers (live shows by The Doll Party go-go dancers), and if you're lucky, you may end up taking some rides! Described as a "weekly and very stylish dance party" that is offered "for your darkest enjoyments," Vamp Friday lasts from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. at Sonar nightclub (2006 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood). The event features industrial, EBM, gothic, retro, new wave, electro-clash, classic alternative, synth pop, and future pop tunes, spun by DJs 16Bit and Cyn Surreal. Call 954-254-2234, or visit www.abusementparkent.com.
SAT 8
Must be nice to be 22 years old and have a World Series ring on your finger. Welcome to the life of Marlins pitcher Dontrelle "D-Train" Willis, in whose honor RailAmerica has pressed 10,000 conductor hats, which will be given to fans tonight when the Florida Marlins face the San Diego Padres at Pro Player Stadium (2267 Dan Marino Blvd., Miami). What could be nicer for Mr. Willis? His team receiving a $60 million tax rebate from the state so it can build a 38,000-seat stadium on the former Orange Bowl site? That won't happen if any sane politician in Tallahassee hopes to keep his job. But two World Series rings for Dontrelle -- one for each remarkably talented hand? The way the Marlins have been playing this season (at press time, they were tied for the most wins in major league baseball), D-Train could be making a trip to the jewelry store this October to get his finger sized. The game starts at 6:05 p.m., and tickets cost $6 to $75. Call 305-623-6100.
SUN 9
Mother's Day is a time for us to thank Mom for her dauntless efforts around the house: keeping Dad in line, keeping the kids in line, and, well, keeping everyone in line. But shouldn't special thanks be given to those mothers who've managed to raise more than just two or three kids? What about seven... or nine? That's not a full-time job; that's several full-time jobs -- with no overtime pay or benefits. Chicken Links Entertainment, however, wants to reward the more, uh, prolific moms with its "Thank U Mamma" event at Peppers Café (3828 N. University Dr., Sunrise). In addition to the elegant, rose-strewn décor and assemblage of DJs spinning hip-hop, soca, and R&B, the event features a $100 prize for the mom with the most children. To prove you're the mom with the most, simply provide the birth certificates for each of your precious little ones. Doors open at 10 p.m. Call 954-578-5900.
MON 10
Artists. If there's one thing they don't have a lot of, besides Ermenegildo Zegna pinstriped suits, it's money. So when they run into legal trouble and need to hire a person in a suit for $150 an hour, it's enough to make painters want to lay down their brushes and head right for the admissions office of the nearest law school. Today, however, artists can keep their paintbrushes firmly in hand, as the nice folks from the Palm Beach County Cultural Council, in collaboration with the Palm Beach County Bar Association and the Legal Aid Society, offer a seminar titled "Real Estate Law for Artists and Art Organizations" from 3 to 5 p.m. at the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts (701 Okeechobee Blvd., West Palm Beach). It's free. RSVP by calling 561-471-2901, ext. 100.
TUE 11
Fifty years ago, with the landmark case Brown vs. the Board of Education, the U.S. Supreme Court made its historic decision to drop the "separate but equal" faade that kept blacks and whites from sharing public schools -- and that gave blacks the short end of the scholastic stick. Since then, much progress has been made toward leveling the learning curve. But new challenges pose new questions, and things aren't as black and white as in the old days. So to honor the landmark case, Hollywood Central Performing Arts Center (1770 Monroe St., Hollywood) hosts a panel discussion examining its impact half a century later. The panel includes Broward County School Superintendent Dr. Frank Till and Dr. Janice Boursiquot, who's the former chair of the Fort Lauderdale NAACP Education Committee and cofounder of Citizens Concerned About Our Children. The free discussion starts at 7 p.m. Call 954-921-3471.
WED 12
The moody one is back. Yep, Steven Morrissey -- godfather of gloom, master of melancholy, saint of solemnity -- is releasing a new album this month, You Are the Quarry. While the disc doesn't hit stores till May 18, you can get a preview of it at a "Morrissey Listening Party," hosted by the Lounge (517 Clematis St., West Palm Beach). It's been four years since the former Smiths front man put out an album, and although he's getting up there in years, he hasn't lost any of the passion that marked his earlier work. The first single off the album, "Irish Blood English Heart," is a bold, idealistic plea that dreams "of a time when the English are sick to death of Labour and Tories." Yes, the Brits have the same problems we do; they just use different terms. The brooding starts at 9 p.m. Admission is free. Call 561-655-9747.
