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There's no way this is gonna end pretty, so let's just define our terms, bloody our lips, and get on with it: French fries are not supposed to be brown, bumpy things with intact skins. They are not supposed to be big. Those are steak fries. A French fry should be thin, almost noodly, and yellow. It should taste light, like air haunted by the ghosts of fat and salt. And if you're feeling playful, it should be topped with bright-orange cheese and hunks of bacon. That's how fries are done at Spanx. Every one of the things is golden, beautiful, and just a little shy of crunchy. Magnificent. We hear Spanx has good cheese steaks too.