10 Reasons Why It's Better Being Single in South Florida This Valentine's Day

On this day, you have a legitimate excuse to get shit-faced and feel sorry for yourself.
On this day, you have a legitimate excuse to get shit-faced and feel sorry for yourself.
Photo by Michele Eve Sandberg

It’s that time of year again, South Florida! You may have noticed Blue Martinis everywhere overflowing with larger and more desperate than usual hordes of happy hour goers looking to lock down a date for the big night. Valentine’s Day is nearly here, and happily coupled people have been sneakily plotting their dinner dates and surprise gifts for weeks. At the risk of sounding bitter and cliché, though, I’m going to make the case for why it’s definitely more fun to be single this Valentine’s Day. Because let's face it: "looking at the bright side" was another one of this year's pointless New Year’s resolutions.

10. That awkward conversation about whether either of you actually cares about Valentine’s Day...
You don't have to have it! Honestly, who actually cares about V-Day? This festive and eyeroll-inducing day comes year after year with big promises of romance a hot sex, yet it always falls short. You got chocolates and a card? Hooray! Weren't you re-gifted those same exact items from your estranged aunt this Christmas? Especially for newer couples still trying to figure out what the hell is going on, the week leading up to Valentine's is a waiting game during which you silently pray the other person brings up the topic first and hope you’re quick enough to match their level of enthusiasm. Being single is so much less complicated than all that!

9. $$$
No chocolates, no elaborate dinner date, no new outfit, flowers, or card. No time wasted calling the same restaurant 30 times trying to score a reservation for you and your boo, or scouring the three-dollar-signs and up offerings on OpenTable. This Valentine's Day, you can breathe easy knowing you're being a responsible adult by reserving your monies for better uses, like VIP tickets to Tortuga.

8. No pressure, no expectations.
No drama. You won't have to manage your disappointment over your bae's shitty gift. And you won’t have to come up with a bullshit couple of sentences on why you love them inside the overpriced, hand-crafted card you picked up from Fresh Market. You won’t get stuck overanalyzing what your partner did or didn’t get you. JUST a card? Do they even love you? When your date gets you only a card, you can’t help but start thinking crazy things. I saw him looking at flowers online — who did he send those to? Did his main squeeze get the flowers, and I’m the side hoe who gets just the card?? Russell Stover’s only cost like $10. He couldn’t manage to throw some of those in too? Who is this asshole?

7. Sticking it to the man is fun.
If you're single on Valentine's Day, it can feel like the entire world is conspiring to make you feel extra miserable. But that's just the man trying to get you down! No matter where you fall on the political spectrum, or if you've respectfully declined to participate in this literal circus called the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election, I think we can all agree it feels pretty damn good opting out of one of Western society's big consumerist shams once in a while. As a virtually meaningless holiday cloaked in the bad perfume and love juices of one of humankind's purest and most sacred institutions, Valentine's Day is a pretty good one to forego. How about celebrating love all year round, people? 

6. You get to feel less guilty knowing you're not the subject of every single person's disdain.
You don't have to tip-toe around the subject when talking plans with your single buds this weekend, because you're single too! Let's just keep it real here: While all your single friends are definitely happy when you've found love, you know there's always that little kernel of resentment they keep buried deep inside; and Valentine's Day is the perfect storm of conditions for letting it all out, with your other single friends, behind your back.

 

You're single — the only relationship drama you're discussing tonight is other people's.
You're single — the only relationship drama you're discussing tonight is other people's.
Christina Mendenhall

5. You can focus on self-improvement and self love.
Mani-pedis, charcoal-activated facial masks, self-tanning lotions imported from Australia, full-body at home waxing kits, that quinoa salad recipe from Pinterest you've been meaning to try, PornHub.com — wait, what?? You know you've been putting off some of your most beloved treat yo'self rituals in lieu of life's daily grind. If you're single, why not use this Valentine's Day to give yourself a little much needed loving?

4. You get to celebrate being single with your single friends.
Dress up and go out knowing that you and your hottie single friends don't have to answer to anyone. The only relationship drama you're discussing tonight is other people's, and any other same-sex group of young ladies or gentleman you see out is totally fair game.

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3. You have a legitimate excuse to get shit-faced and feel sorry for yourself.
Today is just like any other night out on which you've determined to "get wrecked:" bottomless vodka sodas, flawless karaoke, new best friends who understand your pain, and a nightcap or 10 at Scarlett's before Ubering home alone to cry yourself to sleep. Only this time your behavior is way more justifiable.

2. Tinder exists. So does Netflix.
There's a reason why even your grandma knows what it means to "Netflix and chill." Pickings for a proper boo may feel slim in South Florida, but it's 2016, and with a few quick right-swipes on your phone, you don't have to feel lonely tonight.

1. You're doing you, and that's reason enough to celebrate.
So if you’re single this valentine’s day, enjoy it. There are plenty of boring, romantic nights in your future and you’re going to die one day, so get out this Sunday and have an adventure. Go boozy-brunching at Louie Bossi's, wine down with the girls, indulge all your Facebook stalking urges, veg out and watch Bachelor re-runs all night, or do whatever. Just enjoy it, because one day you may find yourself married to your forever Valentine, and you may not ever get a chance to celebrate yourself like you did this year.


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