If you really dig fun and love to booze, then March 17 is likely your favorite time to party. Saint Patrick's Day is a fantastic time to revel in pure drunkenness dressed like a deranged leprechaun. Sure, it's about being "Irish," but let's be honest, you're probably not Irish. You probably haven't met more than a handful of actual Irish people in your whole life! And that's OK. You can still celebrate St. Paddy's Day to its fullest potential. You just may need a few tips on how to handle today with all the spirit of a shitfaced Colin Farrell.
5. Watch Darby O'Gill and the Little People While Getting Dressed
If you've never seen this movie, get it now, and watch it as you prepare to look like one of the little people. Even though Sean Connery is a Scott, he totally pulled off the whole Irish thing. One warning though, beware the freaky-ass banshee scene. It is what childhood nightmares are made of.
4. Wear ALL Green, You Party Pooper
This is so simple. When you wear all green, everyone knows you're the life o' the party. And, also, no one will pinch you. If you can't manage to wear any green today, we're sorry, you deserve to be brutalized by angry pinching fingers.
3. Do the Jig or Something Like It
Get on the computer and google Lord of the Dance. Sure, you think you're too cool to do a fake jig, but it is actually a mating dance. Michael Flatley is like a straight up p*$*y magnet! Try it tonight, see what happens. You won't go home alone.
2. Drink the Proper Beverages
These include: green beer, green jello shots, Irish car bombs, Jameson, anything with Baileys in it, and a spiked Shamrock Shake. Because really, these are the recipe for fun, fights, and sloppy making up afterwards.
1. Use Your Basic Party Survival Skills
On St. Paddy's Day, you're going to party, but it's like a regular party times a thousand. So hydrate thoroughly, bring mints because there's always the chance you may end up with the pukies, and get your one sober friend to drive. And as it turns out, clover is edible, so if you really want to make a scene, dye your hair red, wrap yourself in a rainbow flag, and eat a handful or two.
Hope you get to that pot of gold -- or at least reach the pot before you hurl. Happy Saint Paddy's Day!
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