50 Things You See at Ultra Music Festival

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Photo by George Martinez
50. Girlfriendly PDA. (That's for the "L" in PLUR.)

If you've got ears, Ultra Music Festival is a pretty fun time.

But if you've also got eyes, it's amaaaaaaaaazing.

Basically, this sprawling EDM fest is a phantasmagoric fun parade starring famous people, nearly naked ladies, the beefiest of beefcakes, the kandiest of ravers, and the most ridiculously costumed of party people -- all spazzing out to uhntz-uhntz amid an LED landscape that's exploding with fireworks, lasers, pyro, kryo, and confetti.

Look, gawk, or leer... Here are 50 things you see at Ultra Music Festival.

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Photo by George Martinez

49. A Guy With a Vagina in the Middle of His Chest

Accompanied by a female friend with a deep interest in this curious phenomenon.

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Photo by George Martinez

48. A Riff Raff Head on Lady Legs

Anyone else have recurring sweaty nightmares about exactly this thing?

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Photo by George Martinez

47. Bad Girls With Marijuana Boobs and "Fuck Me" Eyes

Congrats on some impressive glitter and rhinestone work. Ditto on the handpainted sunglasses.

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Photo by George Martinez

46. A Young Lady "Expressing Herself" Atop Her Boyfriends' Shoulders

But, uh, which way is he facing?

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Photo by George Martinez

45. Ultra Hairdos

This kind of 'do takes dedication. Look at the Manic Panic-ed mini-mohawk. And the intricate razor work on that logo. We're too lazy to even get a regular haircut? Props, raver kid.

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

44. Ultra Forehead Tattoos

At least it's temporary. But when these things become permanent, ink-and-needle jobs, we just might begin to believe the doomsayers screaming at the UMF gates.

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Photo by George Martinez

43. Ultra Boob Decals

Nice work, miss, adorning your chest area without resorting to nipple pasties.

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Photo by George Martinez

42. Ultra Hand Signs

Bro ... Don't let any fans of The U see you doin' that shit while strolling through downtown Miami.

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Photo by George Martinez

42. Ultra Kandi Masks

Looks good. But can you eat it?

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Photo by George Martinez

40. Molly

They finally found her. But what now?

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Photo by George Martinez

39. ¡Luchador Ravero!

No, hermano ... We don't wanna wrestle.

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Photo by George Martinez

38. Pills, Pills, Pills

But only on tank tops. Just say no.

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Photo by George Martinez

37. The Long-Sought Five-Armed Kandi Monster

Oh, wait ... Is that just three bead-bedecked ravers mashed into a knot of flailing limbs? Fooled again.

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Photo by George Martinez

36. Human Tubing, Raver Rafting

Where there is no water, ride the rave.

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Photo by George Martinez

35. Dangerous Undergarments

Don't trip and fall face-first into those things. You might scratch a cornea.

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

34. Personalized Undergarments

Yes, those are their real names. Checked their driver's licenses.

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

33. Electrical Tape Undergarments

Run outta rave bottoms? Just tape 'em on!

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Photo by George Martinez

32. Children's Undergarments

Way to raid your little brother's panty drawer, bro.

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Photo by George Martinez

31. Undergarments From the Future

In 2069, the platinum standard for bustier comfort will be freezing nipples.

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Photo by George Martinez

30. Skrillex Levitating!

Dubstep is magic.

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Photo by George Martinez

29. OMG, a Fucking Tiger!

OK. Yeah. So maybe that's a dog.

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Photo by George Martinez

28. Panicked Raver Chick

Relax ... It's a dog.

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Photo by George Martinez

27. A Rainbow Come to Life

He was born of light and mist. And now he's descended to Earth to dance.

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Photo by George Martinez

26. A Kangaroo Who's Traveled All the Way from Australia to Rave

How do you smuggle a full-grown marsupial aboard a transglobal commercial airliner? And keep it hidden for 18 hours?

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Photo by George Martinez

25. Poultry as Hats

That chicken looks superuncomfortable, bro.

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Photo by George Martinez

24. Shells as Bras

Nature's solution for party-time breast support.

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Photo by George Martinez

23. Stickers as Shirts

Because if your nipples aren't showing, then you aren't topless.

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Photo by George Martinez

22. Flags as Blankies

Sweet dreams, you sleepy Danish raver.

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Photo by George Martinez

21. Paper Bags as Masks

Because they breathe better than plastic bags.

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Photo by George Martinez

20. Superhero Superfans

Comic-Con is that way, bros.

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Photo by George Martinez

19. Six Guy Fawkeses, All Certified Aerobics Instructors

Gunpowder, good times, and dancercise!

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

18. The Royal Family

Buckingham Palace is that way, bros.

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

17. Steve Irwin Impersonators' Annual Memorial EDM Convention

R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter. A "Krikey!" in your honor.

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Photo by George Martinez

16. Hair Metal Tribute Performers

The blowdryer's that way, bros.

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Photo by George Martinez

15. Star-Spangled Speedos

The most patriotic way to stash your junk.

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Photo by George Martinez

14. Star-Spangled Bikinis

Oh, say can you C cup ...

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

13. Star-Spangled Kandi

Fact: Both George Dubs and Tommie Jefferson wore one just like it. A grand American tradition.

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Photo by George Martinez

12. Star-Spangled Capes

For when you're feeling like a human flagpole.

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

11. Star-Spangled Overalls

With nothing underneath. Except a star-spangled speedo.

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Photo by George Martinez

10. Hand Hearts

Raver charades ... The Asian cutie is flashing peace. The daisy girl represents love. The whole crowd is a symbol of unity. And the smiles are an expression of respect.

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Photo by George Martinez

9. More Hand Hearts

Two hands, one heart, and a gnarly beard.

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Photo by George Martinez

8. Even More Hand Hearts

Two hands, one heart, and a couple of nose rings.

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

7. Too Many Hand Hearts

OK, guys. Can we give it a rest, please?

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Photo by George Martinez

6. Sarcastic Hand Hearts

Oh, touché.

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Photo by George Martinez

5. Afrojack Enjoying an Epic Moment

This is how those Dutch DJs build all that upper-body strength.

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Photo by George Martinez

4. Incredibly Tall Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment

Our mistake ... He's standing on something.

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Photo by George Martinez

3. Hardwell Enjoying an Epic Moment

Huh? What? How? Oh ... No, bro. Not raining.

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Photo by George Martinez

2. Yet another Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment

Oh, we should turn around? They're throwing peanuts from the stage?

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Photo by George Martinez

1. The End

Seriously ... You can put your arms down now.



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