A Letter to Gus Wenner on His New Position as Editor of RollingStone.com
Gus may look like a baby but... Well, OK, he's still a baby.
Gus Wenner's Facebook
From: Esther Park
Date: Mon, May 20, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Subject: Dear Gus, please hire me!
To: Gus Wenner
Foreigner w/ Cheap Trick and Jason Bonham's Led Zeppelin Experience
TicketsTue., Aug. 1, 7:00pm
Double Feature: Straight No Chaser/Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox
TicketsTue., Aug. 1, 7:30pm
Blondie & Garbage: The Rage and Rapture Tour
TicketsTue., Aug. 8, 7:00pm
Guns N' Roses: Not In This Lifetime Tour
TicketsTue., Aug. 8, 7:00pm
Lionel Richie: All The Hits With Very Special Guest Mariah Carey
TicketsThu., Aug. 10, 7:00pm
So I heard the epic news over the myriads of nasty Twitter handles (#gussucks #spoiledbrat #daddysboy #guscantwrite #guscantread) and Gawker newsfeed spewing much haterade towards your new appointment as the editor-in-chief at RollingStone.com.
First off, congratulations on the BIG COUP! I mean, you deserve it. Clearly, your Tumblr and Facebook feed was just a small window into the unlimited depths of your journalistic soul. Granted, the job description on the Wenner Media LLC website clearly showed that you needed: 7+ years experience as lead web editor with the ability to conceive, assign and edit high-level pieces that cover the world of pop music and pop culture.
But folks forget that at the tender age of 10, you were on your first apprentice assignment with the late Hunter S. Thompson. And as you covered the war in Libya...
OK, fine, I'm just making shit up to make you feel better. Anyhoo...
Fuck all the naysayers. All those no-name bloggers saying that you just got hired 'cause your dad, Jann, owns the magazine. They're a bunch of fat, spiteful losers. I mean, so what if you just graduated from college? You're not a loser. You went to Brown! Who's counting all those days you skipped English Lit 101? I know, I'm not.
Oh, and yeah, did these peon pedestrian "normal people" forget that you are in an über successful folky-hipster band called Gus + Scout with your childhood BFF, Scout Willis, Demi and Bruce's daughter? Sure, sure, sure... I mean, I'd never heard of your band until today, and sure, sure, sure, your only viable gig was during SXSW a few months back when you played at the Rock Room hosted by Rolling Stone maga ... well, never mind.
Needless to say, I saw your Vimeo music video which only has about two likes and 5,000 plays. And, whatever, your band ROCKS and hopefully, with your new editorship, we can see a lot more of Gus + Scout online, on the homepage of RollingStone.com, like every day, for eternity.
Enough of me rambling. The reason for my email to you is simply put in my subject heading. Can you please hire me, Gus? I mean, it's been a dream of mine to write for Rolling Stone. I actually have 7-plus years of writing for major music publications (in fact, it's been 13 years and counting) and, unlike you, I did go to college to study real journalism. And unlike you, I'm old and broke and need a job. So please, Gus, give me a chance, will ya!?! I promise I can write witty 250-word reviews of the latest indie band that Pitchfork just covered like the day before! I'm also very in tune with what the "kids" are into these days. Y'know, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift and stuff? Oh, and not to mention, I love pop culture! If you ever needed a play-by-play on Kim and Kourtney Take Miami, I'm your girl.
So whaddya say, Gus? Will you please give me a chance?
Granted, most of the RollingStone.com editorial has gone down the tubes in recent years. I mean, is David Fricke still alive?!? Remember him? You know, the senior editor at Rolling Stone, who's been with the publication for almost 30 years and is one of the greatest rock music journalist of all time? Yeah, him. I'm sure you can teach David a thing or two about "new media."
I hope this email finds you well. I see you're on your way to the Hamptons to celebrate your big "out of college" gig. Sorry to hold you up! I hope you play that Drake song over and over again as I'm sure you can relate: Started from the bottom now we're here/Started from the bottom now my whole team fucking here!
Looking forward to being on your team, G-Dub! Team Wenner Rules!
Get the Things to Do Newsletter
Find out about upcoming events and special offers happening in South Florida.