Another Gathering of the Juggalos Infomercial: Electric Boogaloo
It is with a great deal of enthusiasm to announce that a second infomercial had been posted! While prosaic in its delivery, gem after gem arose as each addition to the already-extravagant pseudocircus was announced.
I was immediately let down by the absence of Sugar "Blaaam" Slam.
Our previous sci-fi theme had been exchanged for that of a campy parody of a news broadcast. The two masterminds behind ICP, Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J, had taken vanilla-sounding monikers Guy Gorffey and Fats Pepper, respectively. Although the flashes of sagging nutsacks, dinosaurs, and professional wrestlers drawn on the backs of their notecards were marginally comical, the rest of the production offered little else in that arena. Watching the duo struggle to maintain the heavy-handed air of pompousness of their characters while flubbing through their lines quickly became vexing to sit through.
Vans Warped Tour Presented By Journeys
TicketsSun., Jul. 2, 11:00am
8 Tour - Incubus with special guests Jimmy Eat World
TicketsThu., Jul. 6, 6:45pm
Rod Stewart W/ Special Guest Cyndi Lauper
TicketsThu., Jul. 6, 7:30pm
Metallica - WorldWired Tour 2017
TicketsFri., Jul. 7, 6:00pm
Roger Waters: US + Them
TicketsThu., Jul. 13, 8:00pm
The first ten minutes are spent reciting musicians who already announced to play (MC Hammer, George Clinton, etc.). Just as the last shred of attention is about to be lost, the video makes a landmark revelation: Violent J's Juggalo Jam, a BBQ, and a dance-off featuring the world's greatest Prince and Michael Jackson impersonators. It was also made clear that this party will feature FREE CHEESEBURGERS, HOT DOGS, and every rap-metal clown's favorite bobo soda, FAYGO. This alone should recoup almost a 16th of transit costs. WORTH IT.
As previously revealed, the infomercial states that Charlie Sheen will be present, along with a slew of other nightly hosts for the festival, including former adult film star and Saved By the Bell's beloved Screech. Yes, this can only be the one, the only Dustin Diamond.
Exclusive to the video, a new round of performers were announced, including:
Lil Jon, the King of Crunk himself
and on his very own stage, Bobby Brown.
Last, this presentation drives the notion clear that this is not solely a music festival. Psycopathic Records' chief attorney, Cheek Sterling, describes a smorgasbord of sideshow events that include movie showings, wrestling events, helicopter rides, and the elusive Neden Games. What exactly the Neden Game consists of is unbeknown to us at County Grind. We do know that it features four "love trains" and that upon entry, your "Neden" becomes the sole property of Psychopathic Records. Again, we do not know what a "Neden" is, but the idea of four truckloads of sweaty, drunk, and drugged juggalettes in full clown face paint is about as sexy as it gets.
We will continue our coverage of this landmark event as the dates draw closer.
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