Monday, April 15, 2013 at 11:27 a.m.
No one knew quite what to expect from the crowd at the first ever Tortuga Music Festival. Because of acts like Jake Owen and Eric Church there was no doubt the fans would be countrified. And since it was on the sands of Fort Lauderdale Beach, certainly some would be in bathing suits. What we didn't realize was how many boobs would come out for some daytime, oceanside tunes.
No, not "boobs" like dumbasses, but like actual breasts. Sure the fest took place on the beach, but man, there were more tatas busting out of bikini tops than you'd see on Las Olas at 1 a.m. And God bless those ladies, of all ages, who woke up, slapped on tiny fringed bikini tops, and said, let's Tortguga! Here are a few mamas who exemplify the term "self-acceptance" with their booby-ful fashions.
10. This lady simply embodies the vibe of the festival: sunburnt and smiling. She's like a carefree, Fort Lauderdale version of Juliette Barnes, but with her jugs out.
9. This gal's shirt insists there's a leetle too much excitable boobage going on out there on the sand. But her bikini says otherwise. "Calm Your Tits" is a phrase that also could be used around nursing moms and doctors pushing plastic surgery.
8. There's no party like a duckface party.
7. The less you wear, the more free you are to throw those hands in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care. Who needs all that fabric to infringe on a good time? Not these two.
6. Cowboy hats were a big thing too. Though they cast shade on your face, they don't protect the girls from roasting in the midday sun. But this lady don't mind. She's thumbs upping for beach bazongas.
5. This cowgirl knows exactly what bras are best for: holding your cellie! Innovative and sexy!
4. Sure, this fangirl's melons are tucked away under a tee, but it's a Kenny CHESney tee! Like get it, chest, ches... OK, it's a stretch, but so's this shirt.
3. You know what brings all the boys to the yard other than a milkshake? Bikini bottoms that look like underwear.
2. Keeping it classy and polite with a laced-up corset. You can see they're there. They're saying "Hello, I'm fun!" But they're not all in your face, yelling and drooling, "Let's party!!!"
1. Yes, even the boys were doin' it! And by doin' it, we mean, busting out the blow up boobies.