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Blue October

Because major labels are all playing it safe, Universal couldn't be happier to have platinum, guylinered, post-post-post-grunge superstars Blue October, the safest band going. Pray that album track "Jump Rope" doesn't become a single, as it sets new standards for Hallmark-card insipid: a comically saccharine sentiment ("Life's like a jump rope! Up! Down! Up! Down!"), sub-Barenaked Ladies quasi-rapping, Godsmack gargle, and an actual fucking kid chorus. The Marley and Me of rock music.

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