MORE

Five Ass-Kicking Suggestions for Rick Ross' 24-Hour Bodyguard

The block is hot!

Well, in South Florida, the sidewalk is, admittedly, perpetually steaming.

But the past few days have seen a heat-up of XXL proportions.

Someone tried to shoot Rick Ross! And now, according to TMZ, The Bawse requires 24 hour surveillance.

As you might imagine, County Grind is thoroughly invested in the livelihood of Ricky Rozay, because he accounts for about 75% of our content. So here are the five best suggestions for potential Bawse-worthy bodyguards.

Five Ass-Kicking Suggestions for Rick Ross' 24-Hour Bodyguard

5. The Terminator

Let's get the obvious recommendations out of the way. Maybach Music Group needs to invest in sending a T-800 cyborg (with a leather jacket and an Austrian accent) back in time to assassinate the parents of whoever it was that tried to shoot Ross and his boo.

Five Ass-Kicking Suggestions for Rick Ross' 24-Hour Bodyguard

4. Muammar Gaddafi's Security Harem

Yo, now that we can watch the former Libyan dictator die on YouTube over and over, what's been going on with them heat-packing shawties he was always hanging out with? Don't these ferocious females meet every requirement laid out by Ross in his personal-ad-style depiction of his ideal mate, "Money Make Me Cum." First and foremost, he "needs a real bitch." Well, Gaddafi's security harem at least looks the part.

Five Ass-Kicking Suggestions for Rick Ross' 24-Hour Bodyguard

3. Mr. T

Laurence Tureaud pities the fool that tries to pump Le Bawse full of lead. 'Cause in addition to being a wrestler, a fictional boxer, and the leader of the A-Team, Mr. T has also worked as a professional bodyguard.

Five Ass-Kicking Suggestions for Rick Ross' 24-Hour Bodyguard

2. Kevin Costner as The Bodyguard in The Bodyguard

The potential remix of "I Will Always Love You" - complete with auto-tuning Whitney Houston from beyond the grave and DJ Khaled screaming all over the track like a fucking drill sergeant - is completely unfuckwithable.

Five Ass-Kicking Suggestions for Rick Ross' 24-Hour Bodyguard

1. Vladimir Putin

Before he was Russia's prime-minister and then the country's President, this no-bullshit-ever Ruskie naturalist was a Lieutenant Colonel in the KGB, which should be an absolute bare minimum requirement to be selected to keep the Teflon Don alive.




Sponsor Content