Five Other Ways U2 Might Impose Its Music Upon Us

Five Other Ways U2 Might Impose Its Music Upon Us

Two weeks ago, 500 million iTunes users found the new U2 album Songs of Innocence downloaded into their libraries. There's been a certain amount of backlash against U2 and Apple for this move. First, because if you don't want the album, it is very complicated to get it off of your device. Secondly, because it is always creepy to know machines can do things without your permission.

U2, of course, sees things differently. U2 sees itself as God's gift to your ears and knows us plebeians should be grateful that it has blessed us with its songs period. Maybe this isn't the end of U2's assault on our everyday lives. Maybe it has more plans to take over every aspect of our worlds. Here are five possible ways U2 could accomplish the good deed of making certain that we will listen to its music always, whether we'd like to or not.

YouTube

In a partnership with the media giant, the video streaming site will be known as U2be and will be playing only videos by the Irish quartet. Were you hoping to watch a clip that shows you how to fix a flat tire? Now you'll have the good fortune of watching concert footage of U2 singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday." Wanted to see a cat playing a piano? Instead watch Bono's speech addressing the United Nations.

GPS

Aren't you tired of that robotic woman's voice giving you directions? U2's next album, Taking You Home or Somewhere Else, will be distributed exclusively through GPS devices. Enjoy the anthem "Turn Left in 300 Feet" and the power ballad "Your Destination Is on the Right."

Emergency Broadcast System

No longer when the nation is at war or facing a natural disaster will you have to hear that high-pitched squeal on the radio. Now you will hear the Edge's effects-heavy guitar pedal.

 

Morning Announcements

With public schools facing budget cuts, U2 is happy to chip in. But now, every morning instead of the Pledge of Allegiance, students will recite the lyrics to "One," and instead of "The Star Spangled Banner," they will be singing along to "Beautiful Day." They will still allow for a moment of silent meditation, but it will be to the opening guitar solo of "Where the Streets Have No Name."

Reediting the Movie Taken

You surely remember this Liam Neeson action movie where his daughter gets kidnapped and Neeson kicks ass and takes names to get her back. You might not remember the reason the daughter was put in position to get kidnapped in the movie was because she wanted to follow U2 around Europe. While there were plenty of amazing chases and fights, we never get to see U2.

To remedy this, all DVDs, film reels, and illegally downloaded copies of this movie have been reedited. The violent plot is still present but streamlined to a manageable seven minutes, and the remaining 90 minutes will show Liam Neeson and his daughter dancing at an amazing U2 concert that will be coming soon to a stadium near you.

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