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Five Political Roles Andrew W.K. Should Be Appointed to Next

Shortly after the Internet sharted its metaphorical pantaloons following Andrew W.K.'s announcement that he would be the United States' cultural ambassador to Bahrain, it looks like the pop-star and motivational speaker will not be awarded the post after all.

County Grind thinks this is a good decision on the part of the State Department.

And not because we think W.K. is ill-suited for the job. In fact, we think he's overqualified!

Here are five political, civic, and/or public service roles Andrew W.K. should pursue now that he doesn't have to waste his time imparting iPad values to the Middle East.

Five Political Roles Andrew W.K. Should Be Appointed to Next

Honorary Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire

Did Andrew really want to deal with the 24/7 headache of being the cultural ambassador to Bahrain? His two biggest singles are "Party Hard" and "She Is Beautiful," which, if you can't tell, are the antithesis of moral living in the largely religious Middle Eastern nation. We think British knighthood would be a much better fit. He'd be in the highly esteemed, VH1-y company of Bono, Paul McCartney, and Elton John. And maybe he can get wasted and ride around in shopping carts with Prince Harry.

Five Political Roles Andrew W.K. Should Be Appointed to Next

Supreme Court Justice

Andrew W.K. believes in a strict interpretation of the constitution, with sensible adjustment to contemporary society. He's got the wisdom of King Solomon and drafts documents with the eloquence of Rousseau. Now that he never has to run for office again, we hope Obama finally lives up to his campaign promise from '08 to nominate a member of To Live and Shave in L.A. to the Supreme Court.
 

Five Political Roles Andrew W.K. Should Be Appointed to Next

President of the World Bank

Yo, as far as we can tell, all it takes to lead this global financial institution is the ability to dress up like a pookie head and choreograph some quirky dance numbers. Uh, we're pretty sure Andrew W.K. can handle that better than some Darthmouth egghead with glow sticks crammed into his every last orifice.

Five Political Roles Andrew W.K. Should Be Appointed to Next

Head of the Environmental Protection Agency

Global Warming ("climate change" is for pussies) should be the primary concern of the modern era. County Grind nominates Andrew W.K. to speak for the trees.

 

Five Political Roles Andrew W.K. Should Be Appointed to Next

Tyrannical Despot

Between U.S. intervention in the Middle East, the Arab Spring, and losers like Fidel, Chavez and Kim Jong-Il straight up dying from natural-causes peasant-style, Planet Earth is hitting an all-time low for sociopathic meglomaniacal commander-in-chief demi-gods. The world needs a new evil emperor. And his creed should be "Long Live The Party."




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