Five Things to Say to Flo Rida, Whose Phone Number Is...
"Hit me up on my prepaid wireless."
Not only did Flo Rida give out his number during his appearance on Chelsea Lately this week; he fully endorsed calling him in the middle of the night. Now this does give Flo fans (and haters) an opportunity to emote to the king of repurposing songs from the mid-'80s for ringtone-ready hip-hop that has seriously lined his pockets.
There's always a chance that this chestnut from December 11's 2010 Y100 Jingle Ball will field your call and some real talk will ensue. However, if it goes straight to voice-mail, here are a couple of suggestions for tailoring a message to ensure a callback.
Cry wolf. This is extremely cruel, but there's nothing like the threat of "I'm drowning in Jell-O pudding, Flo!" to rise above the typical adulatory messages.
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Added value. Nine little words: Fifteen minutes could save you 15 percent or more.
Added value, II. If Weird Al Yankovich is the king of parody, Flo is the prince of taking an existing hit that three-quarters of his audience is too young to remember and adding some rap verses to it. But he's got to have writer's block sometimes, right? Right?! If he's so eager to give out his number, maybe it's time to suggest a remake of "867-5309/Jenny." This example applies onlyto the first person who tries it.
Delivery. "Your life-sized statue of Jimi Hendrix with YOU tattooed on HIS shoulder has arrived."
Call his bluff. In the spirit of his hit with David Guetta, "Club Can't Handle Me," actually construct a club setting that (a) instinctively points lights away from him, (b) has Al Pacino wearing Scarface threads seated at Flo's table, (c) if one too many girls on him is 12, a minimum of 18 swarm him at all times, (d) but be sure that none of them removes even an earring. Now if that doesn't warrant a callback, there are family members he's neglecting too.
Y100 Jingle Ball. 7 p.m. Saturday, December 11, at BankAtlantic
Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise. Tickets cost $53.75 to $143.75.
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