Five Ways to Score With a Hot Spring Breaker
These girls will not miss. They will score.
Though South Florida has the hottest natives anyplace outside of Brazil, sometimes the sexy pot can feel a bit lacking for locals. You end up making out with the same old rotation of regulars every other week (or every night of the week, if you're newly divorced or still in college).
So, spring break offers a nice opportunity to mix things up sensually. You can definitely meet someone new and from Minnesota. You'll probably end up forming only a short-lived romance with this out-of-towner, but ain't nothing wrong with getting sleazy with a stranger during this fine seasonal ritual. It's mating season, and you're an animal. Own it.
Since this writer is a female, she shall approach this pickup guide from the stance of a woman. However, the same stuff applies for those males longing for a bit of fresh meat.
1. Location, location, location
TicketsSat., Jul. 29, 7:30pm
Prince Royce - Five Tour
TicketsSun., Jul. 30, 7:30pm
Foreigner w/ Cheap Trick and Jason Bonham's Led Zeppelin Experience
TicketsTue., Aug. 1, 7:00pm
Double Feature: Straight No Chaser/Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox
TicketsTue., Aug. 1, 7:30pm
Blondie & Garbage: The Rage and Rapture Tour
TicketsTue., Aug. 8, 7:00pm
There are two ways to go about this depending on your flirting style.
If you're not up for a challenge, just head out early to Fort Lauderdale Beach. Bring extra cash for shots, and wear your teeniest bikini (Speedos for dudes who are packing).
If you like a challenge -- and by challenge we mean something that falls into your lap, but not with its mouth open, during daylight hours -- try Las Olas or Himmarshee, where folks aren't only wearing swimwear and Havaianas.
There are so many breeding grounds for bacteria and romance during March in Fort Laudy! Why not try 'em all? It's truly an exciting time.
The sun's still out and you're already saturated in booze. Sign one you need to bring it down a level.
2. Make sure you've had a few drinks first.
To do this sort of thing correctly, you should be drunker than they are. But within reason. Have a few drinks, but keep it together. No one wants your pink barf on their bed at the Hilton. Lube up a bit with one shot and a few beers, not five shots and 12 beers. You want to appear loose in the caboose, but also on point with your schmoozing.
Muscles and socks, you say? Yes. Muscles go with anything, even high, white socks and sneakers on the playa.
3. Know your audience.
Some who aren't quite clued in to real-life social behaviors believe that anyone can get laid during spring break. The fact is, almost anyone can, but some people suck at getting laid and thus don't get ass that often. This goes for females and males.
Plenty a girl has driven off a suitable night's partner with bad behavior (i.e., being sloppy wasted or talking about not-fun topics like your divorce) and poor potential partner choices. The key is to know your audience. Find someone you like who you think will like you. In life (and this is an always lesson), you gotta go after the thing that wants you as much as you want it.
So, let's stereotype for a second. Let's say you're a Phi Beta Phuckface or whatever and you've got a crew of sorority girls at your back. Don't push yourself on the only dude with skinny jeans, massive thick-rimmed spectacles, who's drinking a Duvel at the bar. He's likely not into the letters on your shirt. Instead, check out his friend with the hard boobs and board shorts. He'll likely be more adept at providing actual pleasure anyway.
This guy's read-to-go.
4. But if you want it, go for it.
There's a flip side to that last rule. Let's say you are a sorority girl and you have a hankering for a hipster. You should still go for it. Leave your dumb sorority stuff at home (if possible). It's not a bad idea to hit up Mr. Muscles first and use him as a segue to Capt. Cool, whom you can attempt to charm with your knowledge of Tao Lin's writing. He's likely either a frat dude trying out a new look or a cool guy looking to score with a sorority girl anyway. As long as you're self-aware and clever about it, you'll win!
You're bold and beautiful. Werk it.
5. Leave your expectations at home, and hydrate.
Spring break is a time for adventure and responsibility. So don't ruin things by being the dumbest dumbass ever. Again, keep it together, but also figure out a way to let go of your boring hangups. Just enjoy the crazy path you're on.
Also, drink a lot of water, and don't forget to eat lunch and dinner. Good luck on this journey. The force is now with you (oh, and no Star Wars jokes either).
Get the Things to Do Newsletter
Find out about upcoming events and special offers happening in South Florida.