December 25, 2009 | 11:32am
There was a time, often called "childhood," when catching your unmarried moms making out with a fat, bearded guy in a red suit would've been a wonderful development of the most Christmassy proportions. Who'd have thought that Santa could be your stepdad? No one. And yet, here was the chubby bastard crashed out on your couch with cookie crumbs in his beard and a lit cigarette dangling from his open, snoring mouth.
|Santa: Imposter or the real deal?|
Say what? How about Mrs. Claus? Well, good question. But don't worry, she doesn't exist and neither does St. Nick. Turns out, the slob your moms brought home that Christmas so long ago wasn't the generous, cherry-cheeked resident of the North Pole -- but just some minimum-wage vagrant with a seasonal mall job. He disappeared the next morning and you never learned to drive a sleigh of 12 magical reindeer or armwrestle elves. Your holiday memories are sad, sour, and best forgotten. So blot out those woes tonight at the Pickle when holiday party Late Night Smoker breaks out a bowl of spiked eggnog and its super-secret musical lineup.
Friday, December 25. Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami. Doors open at 10 p.m., and there's no cover. Ages 21+ with ID. 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com