The king of lo-fi, the Godfather of Chimp Rock, the man who can't even be bothered to spell the word e-f-f-o-r-t -- Stephen Malkmus -- has issued a call to arms. He's about to officially release a new single off of his latest effort with the Jicks (and Beck!), Mirror Traffic. Surprisingly, he'd like the song to be played on the radio. We don't know what radio will play this jam, as the last time we heard him on the air was "Cut Your Hair" on Zeta 94.
Anyway, let's not dwell on that time right now. We'll have plenty of opportunities to reminisce about the era of hearing the Breeders, Pavement, and Afghan Whigs on the reg when we talk about the 20th anniversary of Nirvana's Nevermind in a few months. We got a job to do. Malkmus is concerned that the FCC will have a beef with a meaty "blowjob" reference in "Senator" and we gotta help him come up with something classy to say instead.
Matador Records is going to give the winner of their Help Steven Malkmus Not Say Blowjob on His New Song Contest an ultra-rare seven-inch, and Malkmus will sing the winner's lyrics. Since we can't be bothered to enter the contest, because we've got shit to talk, we're gonna give you -- the loyal County Grind reader -- some excellent suggestions.
Disclaimer: If you use one of our suggestions and you win -- we get to have the record every other weekend, to show our parents. OK, so the line in question is "I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a blowjob." Y'all ready for this?
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a nosejob."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a pants kiss."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a flat top."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a hot dog."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is some new clogs."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a Ding-Dong."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a handshake."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a hand job."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a lady to love."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is world peace."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is pulled pork."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is his pork pulled."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a long walk... on the beach... holding hands... then maybe after, some time alone with you in his pants and your mouth."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is you to be careful with your teeth."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a man's job."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is Who's the Boss? boxed set."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a frita."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is a chonga bagel."
"I know what the senator wants -- what the senator wants is to find true love."
"I know what the senator wants -- the senator wants you to do your job."
Feel free to add yours below!
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