October 22, 2012 | 10:23am
Sitting outside Revolution Live before the GWAR concert on Saturday night, I thought to myself: Why am I here? If there are two things I fear at a concert, they are: 1. Wet or sticky substances being thrown on me from the stage, and 2. Angry white men.
Mostly, I fear glitter, and though I knew that wouldn't be a problem, my friend, a seasoned GWAR-goer said something like, "The blood canons shoot pretty far." As far as the angry dude thing, Legacy of Disorder, Cancer Bats, and Devil Driver were getting the boys all frothing at the mouth. So, as a worrier, I was worried.
But then I saw the set list, and the absurd words "baby orgy" and "super Jesus" calmed me completely. I was ready for GWAR. The angry white men suddenly became little giggling boys, and I hid behind them when fluids squirted about.
So, God was there. At the show. He spoke to the audience, telling us that the rapture is true, something about mass murderers kicking GWAR's ass, and that He might have to assume human form to destroy the band. Possibly, God said something about sucking his "motherfucking dick."
Right off the bat, the crew slew Mitt Romney. There was some 47% talk before he lost his head. Red fluid merely sprayed those clamoring for blood in the pit.
Before lead singer Oderus Urungus
started thrusting his crotch at the crowd, he introduced the newest member of the act, Pustulus Maximus.
God asked GWAR if they were ready to die yet, and GWAR answered by shoving a sword in the butt of Morality Squad leader Father Bohab from their third album America Must Be Destroyed. 'Twas a bit tasteless, the whole sodomy priest thing. Needless to say, there was a ton a blood.
For all of their costumes -- the pointy points, the melted face, the torture chamber, machine looks -- there were a lotta skinny white thighs onstage. And Oderus' ass was rockin' in plain view.
After the priest thang, he said, the next song, "describes the feeling a white man has when he's staring at a black man's penis" and they blasted "Black and Huge." Everyone, white and black men and women, laughed.
Hitler died a particularly hideous death. They ripped his face and flesh off pulling at his eyes and brain. Jesus died twice. Once on the cross and once as Super Cyborg Jesus -- who really kinda also whooped GWAR's ass. The stage props were truly impressive. Jesus on the cross, for instance, I couldn't figure out if he was a robot or a man whose arms were kinda being ripped off.
The baby orgy was disturbing. Well, it all was, but the three baby dolls, the triplets of sodomy, petting the Cuttlefish of Cthulu, Oderus' shlong, especially kinda creepy. He squirted a buckets of red water at the crowd from... I can't even say where.
We took a minute to remember the Native Americans who were killed by the white man before "Hail Genocide." The song was, he said, "dedicated to the 1.1 percent, and man are they pissed."
After GWAR defeated Cyborg JC, God's "ultimate creation," the Lord said he'd take a human form right before announcing that "I don't exist." Then there was an existential conversation about the whole thing. The point of the show was to kill God and redeem themselves or something. It was all pretty funny. I mean, God's been talking this whole time, trying to kill GWAR, but then who was talking if he doesn't exist, why all the killing. It was a little Waiting for Godot. Just kidding. Kind of.
The encore involving the murder of Obama was equally complex. Though on the surface it seemed really offensive. If you thought about what was being said, it wasn't entirely. Their Obama said that "Everything that right wing, honkey cracker motherfucker said about me was true. And tomorrow is free money for black people day." Which was a Romney jab if anything. Though I didn't appreciate the malt liquor remark (see the video above).
Finally, an ode to the fallen Flattus Maximus, last played by Cory Smoot who passed away a year ago. The band sang Kansas' "Carry on Wayward Son" in GWAR style. That and a nuggie Oderus gave to a bandmate were a sweet way to close out an evening that was both violent and fun. An odd combo, but definitely a feeling that GWAR has cornered.