Happy 62nd Birthday, Rick Springfield!

Buncha hunks!
Buncha hunks!

Our favorite hunk, Rick Springfield, turns 62 today. Can someone say silver fox? In the early '80s, Springfield was on up on magazine covers, bedroom walls and pre-teen fantasies. Like a Bieber with feathered hair, he was the dreamiest. His fifth album, Working Class Dog, had four Top 40 singles. And, while he was tearing up the charts with his air-tight pop rock, he was looking through patient's charts as Dr. Noah Drake on General Hospital.

30 years ago, there was no avoiding his sexy gaze, his strong cheekbones and his sassy voice. He still tours regularly, and opens and closes every set with his Grammy-winning single "Jessie's Girl." This man is so charming and attractive that he can make us sing along to a song about how he is plotting to steal his best friend's girl -- not to be confused with the Cars' "My Best Friend's Girl."

We know everyone is familiar with that song, but we have another Springfield hit we'd like to analyze in honor of his birthday. We're talking about, "I've Done Everything For You," a song so powerful it had to be written by none other than Sammy "I Can't Drive 55" Hagar. Sit back, watch the video and pay attention; there will be a full dissection after the screening.

The video begins with the Rick Springfield Trio rocking out to a really calm crowd in a very pro-lit bar. 33 seconds into the song, Springfield declares, he's "giving up on love this time." Look at the look in his eyes, we dare you to try and not feel the pain he seems to feel. But, you know what? Right when he says, "me and my friends we'll do just fine," his bassist struts just a little closer. As if to say, "I got your back, bro -- no groupie will ever tear this friendship apart. I'm your best friend."

Then, the gloriously catchy power-pop style chorus kicks in, and so do Springfield's cute dimples. Man! He sure knows how to work it. Less than a second later he's playing his guitar, without the band, in what seems to be a jail of some kind. There's a mysterious lady in red hanging off a ladder. She is busy, it's like she doesn't even know he's there -- and, Springfield doesn't care at all that she is there, ok? He had already done everything for her and she had done nothing for him. Forget her! He doesn't even see her, we bet!

Oh no! At 0:46 Rick looks at her! Ah, phew! He quickly turned away, but man, it was clearly too much for him. He is clearly distraught again. No bro-time can ease his sorrow, we bet. You know what will lift his spirits? What he sings about in the second verse, that will. Lots of money! Being a millionaire! Damn, but even that reminds Rick of her. Apparently, she was impatient with his steady climb to the top, and showed him how much she had been "jiving" along. At least his bro has his back. At least.

The lady in red, she just lurks in the well lit shadows, ignoring him and getting lost in the winds of betrayal. Shit, seconds later, she's gone! What the hell? Where'd she go? Well, while she's gone, Rick takes sometime to tell his passive audience about how she didn't know "how to love a man," nor understand "all those things about making love." Just as he takes credit for schooling her in sexual arts, she's back. Now she is at the foot of the stage, and the back-stage jail cell -- still not looking. At this point, when Rick looks back -- which he should not do -- he quickly turns his head back to the camera and us. But, now he isn't deep in sorrow. Oh, no, he is full of rage and confidence. Good for you, Rick!

He only lets the red lady see a taste of hott lixx during the guitar solo. Just a little tease, but he does a sharp 180 and gives the solo to us, his fans. Yeah! Don't let her see you shred. Dammit -- he looked back! Why? It has to affect his guitar playing, right? Oh, we get it, he looked back to tease her a little more. The camera shows us what the lady in red sees, Rick and his perfect, hunky butt.

Dammit! Rick's tease backfired! She just got up and went. What does Rick do? He follows her out of the club? No way! Rick? What the heck, dude? He just left his rhythm bros hanging. This is not right. Unless, he is following her to give her a piece of his mind, we do not stand behind this move at all. As she rides away in a silver sports car of unknown make and model, Rick has no choice but to breathe in deep and remember a time when she used to hang out near him. She's gone.

Now that she is really gone, Rick hits the town. He gets real wild, too. Bumping into people and not apologizing for it! Going to the place that sells cocktails! Leering a lady in a hefty sweater! Rick is out of control! Fuck this! Rick is just gonna drink solo at a bar and watch his favorite band. His band! Clearly this video has stepped into some weird psycho-thriller territory, as Springfield watches himself rocking on-stage and remembers the red lady and her non-stop doing nothing for him.

At this point we are really worried about Rick and his mental health. A. He is drinking alone and B. He is having multiple out of body experiences. What is Rick going to? How is he going to clear his mind and move on with his life? Simple, he is going to smash his record player to bits with a sledge hammer. That will definitely show the lady in red.

The video really seems like a deep (bro) metaphor for Springfield's unhappiness with his record label. But, at the time of this video his career was on the up and he was doing better even he expected. Thanks for all the tunes, Rick! We wish you the happiest of birthdays! We'll be here for you and we'll never do nothing for you.


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